I am nearing the completion of my 30 day Bikram yoga challenge.
At the end of Monday, I will have completed 45 hours of yoga in a room heated to 45degrees.
I feel leaner and fitter, and am positively gliding through life. Combined with my recent abstinence, it is not only fuelling my wellbeing but also feeding my creativity as the words flow.
It has undoubtedly been a positive exercise.
And not just because Elle McPherson goes to the same class. In fact she was even on the next door mat to me a couple of days ago.
Seriously though, I know this is probably blasphemous to most yogis, but Bikram does provide one of the best opportunities to meet and oggle women that I have ever come across. Because it is so hot in the room, the boys wear swimming trunks and the girls wear... well, not a lot. And everyone spends the entire 90 minutes writhing, sweating and groaning merely inches away from one another.
Am I the only person to find this a rather erotic way of getting my daily exercise? Or am I just a filthy little 20something, hormones raging and clearly lacking the emotinal maturity to use bikram for what it is intended - the union of mind, body and soul, as opposed to just straight forward weight loss?
Who cares?
Especially with the quality on display in my class today. Really quite incredibly fit birds were everywhere - all around the room. There are always a few old hags in there at the same time, or a few big boilers trying to shed some pounds, but in general the beauty on display is fantastic.
It really brightens up my day.
But more to the point, the poeple who go there are so agreeable. And I put this down to the fact that they are doing a form of yoga as their exercise as opposed to going to some gym full of lycra clad aerobics junkies listening to techno full blast on their i-pods. Even in the guys changing room at bikram, everyone sits down and talks after the class - just good friendly chat and a bit of a laugh. Where do you get that in a gym? All the blokmes are too busy preening in the mirrors, applying hair gel and plucking their eyebrows.
It's almost a complete role reversal from a few years ago.
But I digress. Back to the real reason to attend Bikram - fit women.
You see, girls who practice bikram are also really freindly. They are down to earth and seem keen to chat.
And after my successful one night stand with blonde alice on wednesday, i feel like getting back in the game.
I want to see more girls.
Actually, I guess what I am saying is I want to have sex more often. But also, i think seeing a few girls would take my mind off my work and off going out at night.
But due to my new life of abstinence, this is going to prove difficult, as the usual route of going to bars and picking up drunk birds isn't an option.
And nor is it particularly appealing.
One of my favourite writers, Nirpal Dhaliwal, often speaks of his ability as a mature man to pull birds without being drunk.
This is now my mission.
Where to start?
Hmmmm. Let me think.
Writing time: 3 hours
Manifestation: 85%
Friday 30 March 2007
Thursday 29 March 2007
Day 32 - wednesday night alcoholism
Is it physically possible to go to a pub and have one drink only?
I'm not sure.
Flatmate and I last night ventured to our local pub. We had registered on Monday that there had simply not been enough boozing going on of late.
In fact, it was my first drink in nearly two weeks.
I feel very proud.
Cue conversation about exactly what constitutes alcoholism - a very real problem for 20somethings everywhere. There are apparently a set of questions we can ask ourselves to establish whether or not we have an alcohol problem.
"Have I ever woken up thinking 'I need a drink'?" is one of them.
Hmmmm. Let me think.
"Has anyone ever annoyed you by recommending you cut down on your drinking?" Is another.
The two blonde sisters we had the good fortune of sitting next to agreed that most of the people they knew, on these grounds, had an alcohol problem. What is it about London? It seems par for the course to get lashed Wednesday through Sunday. And when can a poor defenceless 20something, that most alone of people, identify when they are drinking too much?
For me it came a number of years ago when I finally realised that I was going to bars to drink rather than going to bars to meet friends. This realisation manifested in a panic attack one friday night when i was faced with an entire weekend of 'no plans'. I had been drinking heavily for a few years, and I realised how lonely i actually was in life. I simply didn't want to be where I was. And booze was the outlet. I would create reasons to hook up with people for a 'catch up', with the sole intention of getting completely wasted. Pretty soon I developed a small group of people who are interested in doing precisely the same thing. Following that, I no longer had to create a reason - we just got on with the job in hand. But in reality, there was nothing wrong with where I was, or my life.
But alcohol made it feel like there was.
Tribal pull is almost irrisistable. That group of people I built up around me are now my friends. And resisiting the temtapation of seeing them is proving most difficult. Doing what I am doing requires nothing less than 100% functionality in order to produce the quality of work that I need to. Friends can simply fly at half mast for a day a week. I cannot.
And just a few pints last night have dulled my creativity to such an extent that I am considering a prolonged period of abstinence.
Tonight there is another party. But I am not going.
How To Survive Your 20's will only manifest as a bestseller if I allow myself time out from the tribe.
It is the key to my future.
What I am doing right now is precisely what I will expeirence tomorrow and every day after that.
So no more partying for this boy.
We concluded that London was a town built for the alcoholic. 24 hour licensing laws, the climate and the pub culture represent huge temptation for the urban 20something.
I have written off the evening as 'research'. I must become an authority on such matters.
The conversation wrapped up quite nicely with blonde1, Alice, inviting me back to hers for a nightcap, which i thought most kind.
First one night stand of the year actually - such fun.
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 85%
I'm not sure.
Flatmate and I last night ventured to our local pub. We had registered on Monday that there had simply not been enough boozing going on of late.
In fact, it was my first drink in nearly two weeks.
I feel very proud.
Cue conversation about exactly what constitutes alcoholism - a very real problem for 20somethings everywhere. There are apparently a set of questions we can ask ourselves to establish whether or not we have an alcohol problem.
"Have I ever woken up thinking 'I need a drink'?" is one of them.
Hmmmm. Let me think.
"Has anyone ever annoyed you by recommending you cut down on your drinking?" Is another.
The two blonde sisters we had the good fortune of sitting next to agreed that most of the people they knew, on these grounds, had an alcohol problem. What is it about London? It seems par for the course to get lashed Wednesday through Sunday. And when can a poor defenceless 20something, that most alone of people, identify when they are drinking too much?
For me it came a number of years ago when I finally realised that I was going to bars to drink rather than going to bars to meet friends. This realisation manifested in a panic attack one friday night when i was faced with an entire weekend of 'no plans'. I had been drinking heavily for a few years, and I realised how lonely i actually was in life. I simply didn't want to be where I was. And booze was the outlet. I would create reasons to hook up with people for a 'catch up', with the sole intention of getting completely wasted. Pretty soon I developed a small group of people who are interested in doing precisely the same thing. Following that, I no longer had to create a reason - we just got on with the job in hand. But in reality, there was nothing wrong with where I was, or my life.
But alcohol made it feel like there was.
Tribal pull is almost irrisistable. That group of people I built up around me are now my friends. And resisiting the temtapation of seeing them is proving most difficult. Doing what I am doing requires nothing less than 100% functionality in order to produce the quality of work that I need to. Friends can simply fly at half mast for a day a week. I cannot.
And just a few pints last night have dulled my creativity to such an extent that I am considering a prolonged period of abstinence.
Tonight there is another party. But I am not going.
How To Survive Your 20's will only manifest as a bestseller if I allow myself time out from the tribe.
It is the key to my future.
What I am doing right now is precisely what I will expeirence tomorrow and every day after that.
So no more partying for this boy.
We concluded that London was a town built for the alcoholic. 24 hour licensing laws, the climate and the pub culture represent huge temptation for the urban 20something.
I have written off the evening as 'research'. I must become an authority on such matters.
The conversation wrapped up quite nicely with blonde1, Alice, inviting me back to hers for a nightcap, which i thought most kind.
First one night stand of the year actually - such fun.
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 85%
Wednesday 28 March 2007
Day 31 - sceptics and believers
There are 2 types of people on this planet.
Spectators and players.
But 2 more interesting groups are sceptics and believers.
What differentiates a sceptic and a believer?
Ignorance, I think.
But ignorance is such an ugly word. The human condition it represents is something to be suffered, not sported. Yet the bravado with which some people can display their ignorance can sometimes match the word for unpleasantness.
How do you open someone's eyes to something they have never experienced, and cannot touch, taste or smell? Especially when you care about the person so much that it becomes a mission in life to introduce them to this new possibility.
Last night I took two of my best friends to a talk about the Landmark Forum, an event which now holds real prominence in my past, and will forever shape my present and future. I also took my sister, who loved it.
But Friend1 is a fund manager. And Friend2 is a stockbroker. Both rich young men.
One got it. One didn't.
Words aside, that is the impression I got - that is the perception they created.
Some things in life are so real, and so tangible, yet so difficult to grasp, that all your usual behavioural instincts such as sarcasm, humour and flippancy are exposed for being exactly what they are - shields of ignorance.
And in this precise instance, nothing fails like success.
How can a sceptic be turned?
I think it's by showing them how operating as a believer is always the winning way to play. In fact, it's the only way to play.
But to show this you must first explain that the above pathway to success is very, very real. And the problem with doing that is the pathway has nothing to do with society's conventional methods of equating success. Money. Power. Job title. Status. It's almost impossible to convey to a person who has achieved these things without establishing a spiritual identity how meaningless they really are.
And how meaningful something can be that you have to simply experience rather than purchase, indulge in etc.
And that's the thing. Sceptics have to know before they believe.
To them, Knowing is trusting.
But trust has nothing to do with knowledge.
And to be on the field of play is to trust all around you until that trust is abused.
That is why it is so intimidating being out there. So frightening.
And rewarding.
That is why the stands are full of sceptics, and the field of play full of believers.
Sceptics, by definition, cannot be players.
And that is why so few people in this world who think they are happy in the stands, never experience the ecstacy of being on the field of play.
Belief is real. And it transforms the dull to the bright, the bright into the shining, and the shining into the incandescent...
I won't stop standing for it.
Or my pals.
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Spectators and players.
But 2 more interesting groups are sceptics and believers.
What differentiates a sceptic and a believer?
Ignorance, I think.
But ignorance is such an ugly word. The human condition it represents is something to be suffered, not sported. Yet the bravado with which some people can display their ignorance can sometimes match the word for unpleasantness.
How do you open someone's eyes to something they have never experienced, and cannot touch, taste or smell? Especially when you care about the person so much that it becomes a mission in life to introduce them to this new possibility.
Last night I took two of my best friends to a talk about the Landmark Forum, an event which now holds real prominence in my past, and will forever shape my present and future. I also took my sister, who loved it.
But Friend1 is a fund manager. And Friend2 is a stockbroker. Both rich young men.
One got it. One didn't.
Words aside, that is the impression I got - that is the perception they created.
Some things in life are so real, and so tangible, yet so difficult to grasp, that all your usual behavioural instincts such as sarcasm, humour and flippancy are exposed for being exactly what they are - shields of ignorance.
And in this precise instance, nothing fails like success.
How can a sceptic be turned?
I think it's by showing them how operating as a believer is always the winning way to play. In fact, it's the only way to play.
But to show this you must first explain that the above pathway to success is very, very real. And the problem with doing that is the pathway has nothing to do with society's conventional methods of equating success. Money. Power. Job title. Status. It's almost impossible to convey to a person who has achieved these things without establishing a spiritual identity how meaningless they really are.
And how meaningful something can be that you have to simply experience rather than purchase, indulge in etc.
And that's the thing. Sceptics have to know before they believe.
To them, Knowing is trusting.
But trust has nothing to do with knowledge.
And to be on the field of play is to trust all around you until that trust is abused.
That is why it is so intimidating being out there. So frightening.
And rewarding.
That is why the stands are full of sceptics, and the field of play full of believers.
Sceptics, by definition, cannot be players.
And that is why so few people in this world who think they are happy in the stands, never experience the ecstacy of being on the field of play.
Belief is real. And it transforms the dull to the bright, the bright into the shining, and the shining into the incandescent...
I won't stop standing for it.
Or my pals.
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Monday 26 March 2007
Day 30 - progress audit
So, we reach 30 days. 6.5 weeks away from the deadline i have set myself - to have a book deal by my 30th birthday.
Time to take stock of exactly how the manifestation of my future as a bestselling author is going.
I am giving myself...
6.5 out of 10.
That may seem harsh. But the reality is I need to step up the pace.
Writing a book, especially a new kind of book (tongue in cheek self help), requires a unique format. Something that hasn't really been done before. And the truth is I have only just hit on that format - it came to me in a flash of light on my weekend of biblical sized breakthoughs.
And thus the content I have created thus far needs to be reformatted and to a certain extent re-written. But such is life - and I will look back upon this and laugh when i walk past waterstone's / barnes and noble and see How To Survive Your 20's twinkling in the window.
I have also realised that I have been dragging my heels somewhat in terms of market feedback - i need to get this blog out there, and i need to create impact and expectation with publishers that will prepare them for finding this, their book of the year. To enable me to do this, I have enrolled in a course over the next 10 weeks designed to get me in front of publishers.
Anyway, enough of the auditing.
How is Landmark sinking in?
Well, I am starting to realise certain behavioural patterns that have been around for as long as I can remember... And more importantly, I know where they came from and why they have manifested over and over again in my life. I can pin down the precise moment when I adapted my most prevalent patterns.
You want to know what these behavioural suits are, when the moment was and what caused it? More on that later.
Throughout yesterday and last night, and dare I say it this morning, right now, as i watch the sun come up over the cemetary i live next to, there is also a feeling of calm. So many people have now told me that I am doing the right thing with my life, that I am finally starting to believe it myself. I have always had the inner belief that 'I can do this', but it has always been tempered with 'but does that mean i should be doing it in this way?'.
I think I now know the answer is yes - because i am already doing it and it feels right. The investment in my future is as authentic as any. I know now I have the integrity and ability to make this happen in a big way.
It also helps that this is my 15th morning without a hangover. There seems to be a pattern emerging. Sobriety breeds rabbit warrens of progress.
The question is: How far down the rabbit hole do I want to go?
I suspect quite far.
But the real impact of Landmark will surely be seen over the coming weeks. The final installment comes tonight at the wrap seminar.
I am looking forward to it.
Writing time: 6 hours
Manifestation: 97%
Time to take stock of exactly how the manifestation of my future as a bestselling author is going.
I am giving myself...
6.5 out of 10.
That may seem harsh. But the reality is I need to step up the pace.
Writing a book, especially a new kind of book (tongue in cheek self help), requires a unique format. Something that hasn't really been done before. And the truth is I have only just hit on that format - it came to me in a flash of light on my weekend of biblical sized breakthoughs.
And thus the content I have created thus far needs to be reformatted and to a certain extent re-written. But such is life - and I will look back upon this and laugh when i walk past waterstone's / barnes and noble and see How To Survive Your 20's twinkling in the window.
I have also realised that I have been dragging my heels somewhat in terms of market feedback - i need to get this blog out there, and i need to create impact and expectation with publishers that will prepare them for finding this, their book of the year. To enable me to do this, I have enrolled in a course over the next 10 weeks designed to get me in front of publishers.
Anyway, enough of the auditing.
How is Landmark sinking in?
Well, I am starting to realise certain behavioural patterns that have been around for as long as I can remember... And more importantly, I know where they came from and why they have manifested over and over again in my life. I can pin down the precise moment when I adapted my most prevalent patterns.
You want to know what these behavioural suits are, when the moment was and what caused it? More on that later.
Throughout yesterday and last night, and dare I say it this morning, right now, as i watch the sun come up over the cemetary i live next to, there is also a feeling of calm. So many people have now told me that I am doing the right thing with my life, that I am finally starting to believe it myself. I have always had the inner belief that 'I can do this', but it has always been tempered with 'but does that mean i should be doing it in this way?'.
I think I now know the answer is yes - because i am already doing it and it feels right. The investment in my future is as authentic as any. I know now I have the integrity and ability to make this happen in a big way.
It also helps that this is my 15th morning without a hangover. There seems to be a pattern emerging. Sobriety breeds rabbit warrens of progress.
The question is: How far down the rabbit hole do I want to go?
I suspect quite far.
But the real impact of Landmark will surely be seen over the coming weeks. The final installment comes tonight at the wrap seminar.
I am looking forward to it.
Writing time: 6 hours
Manifestation: 97%
Sunday 25 March 2007
Days 27, 28, 29 - finally digesting the red pill
Probably best to start with a full scene from The Matrix, constantly referred to over the past 3 days:
Morpheus: I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice. Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
Neo: You could say that.
Morpheus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo?
Neo: No.
Morpheus: Why not?
Neo: 'Cause I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life.
Morpheus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know, you can't explain. But you feel it. You felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is, but it's there. Like a splinter in your mind -- driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Neo: The Matrix?
Morpheus: Do you want to know what it is? (Neo nods his head.)
Morpheus: The Matrix is everywhere, it is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, or when go to church or when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Neo: What truth?
Morpheus: That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage, born inside a prison that you cannot smell, taste, or touch. A prison for your mind. (long pause, sighs) Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back.
Morpheus: You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes. Remember - all I am offering is the truth, nothing more.
Neo takes the red pill.
And thus concluded the Landmark Forum.
It's probably still a bit early to fully assess Landmark. I only left the last of 30 odd hours of large scale introspection, self analysis and group human awareness an hour ago.
But I wanted to fess up a bit of detail as I haven't blogged for a few days and haven’t been sleeping well recently.
I have the time.
Here it is in a nutshell: everything we are is a result of stories we have told ourselves about what actually happened in our lives. And every mannerism and idiosyncrasy, every charming feature, enduring principal, filthy habit and blood curdling secret we have is a direct result of all the events, circumstances and situations we have experienced.
So what did I want to get out of the Landmark Forum?
Well, I wanted to know if I am doing the right thing. Essentially ignoring a return to a conventional career in aid of following my path and seeing where it leads. And I wanted to know if that pathway was going to lead me to where I want to go.
I got that.
The answer is a simple, and slightly dismissive 'yes - I am doing the right thing'.
But here's the thing: it doesn't actually matter.
Pause. Let that cook in the silence.
It doesn't matter.
Because it's meaningless. It doesn't actually exist. i.e. Whatever / wherever I hope it might lead to is just a fanciful, fantastical and downright ridiculous barometer of success that I have created as a result of all the things that have happened and things I have been told.
You see, where I think the pathway may lead doesn't actually exist. I may achieve some of my dreams. But I won't achieve these in the future. Because when I get there and achieve those dreams it will be now, not then. And then it will instantly be in the past, and if there is one thing less significant or real than the future and the present, it's the past.
My future is in my hands, right now.
Because the only form of control I have over my future is what I am doing right now - at this precise moment.
If you are not enjoying right now, you won't enjoy whatever the future sends you.
The parallels with The Matrix are clear.
People convince themselves they are happy. They create an existence, via the stories they tell themselves, the standards they set, and a certain level of application to this 'reality' delivers a modicum of stability and prosperity which, according to the conventional criteria used to equate success, instils 'happiness'.
But these people, unfortunately, are not really alive. They're sort of dead.
Because they are in The Matrix. They're on the treadmill.
Because they are not helping anyone and we all need to ensure our existence, however meaningless, means something to someone (that’s what my voices are telling me).
There are moments in the Landmark Forum when I felt something... wonderful. Things that had been absent from my life for quite some time.
Compassion. Romance. Altruism.
Forgiveness on an epic scale.
There were moments that inspired. That alone in this cynical world was worth the investment.
And there was one blissful, crystal clear, spellbinding moment when I realised that it was all meaningless bullshit. Everything in life. What I want to do. What god intends for me. What my parents want me to do. What I am going to do. What I might have done. And obviously, what I have done.
How did this moment manifest? When I finally realised that I have been operating on the field of play for some time now - maybe my whole life.
I am a player.
I may not have won any major medals yet, but in this meaningless existence, so void of anything important, at least I am creating meaning, (even meaning that means something to me alone), by simply being on the field of play. Because why does it matter that something is meaningless? Just because everything is meaningless and we all are born and die with nothing, doesn’t justify doing nothing forever.
So I choose to live an existence that means something to me. And to those I surround myself with. My friends and family (i love you, by the way).
And that ain't meaningless. Not to me, or them.
And I know that How To Survive Your 20’s In One Piece will be useful and meaningful to some people. And I know it will be published and I know it will be a bestseller.
See, the risk I am living out every day is not that dangerous at all. In fact, what feels like being ‘out of the comfort zone’ is actually to float and bounce across a massive cloud of safety – safety in the knowledge that I have escaped The Matrix and am living my life.
If I still worked at the company that unceremoniously fired my ass in June 2006, and I was struck by lightning tomorrow, I know for a fact I would burn to death cursing and spitting that I wasted my last days in a mirrored tower in canary wharf at the beck and call of an evil regime running one of the biggest rackets this world has ever seen. I've seen rackets and I've seen rackets (more on rackets in the coming weeks) but surely there is no bigger cartel / racket / front than big business.
But having worked for the past few months as this blog details, and if the same bolt struck me at the same time tomorrow?
I’d fry with my fists clenched and aloft in victory, a smile on my face, published or unpublished, with nothing more than a large debt to my wonderful father keeping me from completeness on this earth.
Because my life is already happening.
Because I am not in the stands. Not in the matrix.
If there was one other thing that I wanted to get from the forum, it was final confirmation that if I carry on playing, carry on applying myself as I am doing and putting myself about on the field of play, that I can actually do what this blog promises.
And the beautiful answer, the answer that I already knew, is 'yes'.
You know why I can do it?
Because I already I am.
How do I know that?
Because I took the red pill a long time ago.
And what does that make me?
Neo.
I’m Neo.
And as we all know, Neo can do anything.
I really got that.
Writing time: zero
Manifestation: 1000%
PS: Thank you to all at Landmark Education - you do amazing work and have an awesome product. And a big thank you to every other person on the forum - thanks for putting up with my convoluted urban conflict for 3 whole days! Relativity aside, my problems pale in comparison to many people's and I got that, and wish you all the very best on the road to completion.
Friday 23 March 2007
Day 26 - the huna of being
OK, the property saga may be about to come to a close.
It looks like the school leavers from Foxtons have finally managed to negotiate closure on the sale of my property. Cue massively more creative and cutting edge existence in hammersmith grove, recent murders aside one of london's coolest addresses.
It seems that the length of the whole process may have worked in my favour. You see, i agreed on the price for the new property over 6 weeks ago. During which time, the london property market has, depending on who you listen to, gone up by anything betweeen 1and3%, fuelled by bonus wielding, strung out city boys who are buying flats without even viewing them!
A few final negotiations over the next few days and the whole sorry deal should finally be done. 10 months start to finish!
The estate agent selling me the new pad, the rather equine clarissa, also tells me i have got a bit of a bargain. I can smell profit in the air - at last i may accumulate some money.
After all, the unpublished writers game is hardly lucrative.
A bit of property wheeler dealing will restore some balance.
Speaking of balance, the ancient Hawaiian Kahuna tribe developed a triangle, or cycle, of human 'states' which they moved constantly between.
They called it the 'huna of being'.
The 3 states of human existence are 'having', 'being' and 'doing'.
I had a long discussion yesterday about where I should try and live within this triumvirate of activities.
'Doing' is achieving. Working, fulfilling your purpose and investing in the future.
'Having' is enjoying the fruits of your labour. Partying, spending time with family or friends.
'Being' is simply taking time out to recharge - putting yourself on pause. This might be meditation, yoga, exercise, or simply sitting still.
So whereabouts should I be?
The answer, my learned friend tells me, is moving constantly between the 3, doing what is necessary, but always readdressing the balance to ensure an even distribution of my time.
I like it. It appeals.
Tell me 'you need balance' and boredom sets in.
But tell me about the hawaiian kahuna tribe's huna of being and my ears prick up. What can i say? i am a marketing man's wet dream.
I am developing a modified huna of being for the 20something which will include euch states as 'comatose', 'lashed', 'recovery' and 'discovery'. More on that later.
Yesterday was also spent in apprehension of forthcoming 3 days in a room of self helpers. But the time is nigh and i am taking the leap.
Landmark here i come.
Will report back as always.
x
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 90%
It looks like the school leavers from Foxtons have finally managed to negotiate closure on the sale of my property. Cue massively more creative and cutting edge existence in hammersmith grove, recent murders aside one of london's coolest addresses.
It seems that the length of the whole process may have worked in my favour. You see, i agreed on the price for the new property over 6 weeks ago. During which time, the london property market has, depending on who you listen to, gone up by anything betweeen 1and3%, fuelled by bonus wielding, strung out city boys who are buying flats without even viewing them!
A few final negotiations over the next few days and the whole sorry deal should finally be done. 10 months start to finish!
The estate agent selling me the new pad, the rather equine clarissa, also tells me i have got a bit of a bargain. I can smell profit in the air - at last i may accumulate some money.
After all, the unpublished writers game is hardly lucrative.
A bit of property wheeler dealing will restore some balance.
Speaking of balance, the ancient Hawaiian Kahuna tribe developed a triangle, or cycle, of human 'states' which they moved constantly between.
They called it the 'huna of being'.
The 3 states of human existence are 'having', 'being' and 'doing'.
I had a long discussion yesterday about where I should try and live within this triumvirate of activities.
'Doing' is achieving. Working, fulfilling your purpose and investing in the future.
'Having' is enjoying the fruits of your labour. Partying, spending time with family or friends.
'Being' is simply taking time out to recharge - putting yourself on pause. This might be meditation, yoga, exercise, or simply sitting still.
So whereabouts should I be?
The answer, my learned friend tells me, is moving constantly between the 3, doing what is necessary, but always readdressing the balance to ensure an even distribution of my time.
I like it. It appeals.
Tell me 'you need balance' and boredom sets in.
But tell me about the hawaiian kahuna tribe's huna of being and my ears prick up. What can i say? i am a marketing man's wet dream.
I am developing a modified huna of being for the 20something which will include euch states as 'comatose', 'lashed', 'recovery' and 'discovery'. More on that later.
Yesterday was also spent in apprehension of forthcoming 3 days in a room of self helpers. But the time is nigh and i am taking the leap.
Landmark here i come.
Will report back as always.
x
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 90%
Wednesday 21 March 2007
Day 25 - landmark decision?
OK. In a bid to lay the last of my demons to rest just 6 weeks before my 30th birthday, I am attending the Landmark Forum this weekend.
Apparenty it's very popular with 29 year olds about to hit the big 3-0.
I have not been in such a dillemma about something for a long time, but have decided my fear of it dictates I must tackle it head on.
Why am I doing it?
Well, a friend of mine who was in nearly as big a mess as I was a few years back, did Landmark and swears it was one of the best decisions of his life. 3 others I know have strongly recommended that I do it. He literally turned his life around after it. And so much of their product seems aimed to conquer areas of my life that are still problematic - decision making (i.e whether or not to go out on the lash or not), blockages (do I tell someone I love them or leave it?), relationships (how to have one would be a good start), addiction (any of a number of things) and productivity (if i want this book deal by my 30th birthday i need to step up the pace).
After extensive web research, opinion on Landmark is hugely divided.
It is clearly one of the most popular human learning seminars in the world - it is now a global business.
But it is banned in france. They believe it to be some form of cult or sect. And cults and sects are strange things. But so are the French. Austria also consider it a sect. But that is the birthplace of adolf hitler. One kid in North America went missing and commited suicide shortly after attending Landmark.
But people go missing every day. Maybe Landmark simply persuaded this guy there was actually no real need to return to his abusive family?
Another Landmark student form Colorado killed his postman shortly after attending class... But people in Colorado kill each other every day from what I can work out.
I guess my biggest fear is that Landmark will be the first big group awareness stuff I have done. And it will be the culmination of all this self stuff and therapy i have undertaken in the past few years. And i guess that i am scared of opening up in a big group of people.
A friend of mine says mysteriously on landmark: 'Play the game. When the time comes, make the phone calls'.
I can only assume he means calling people who i need to apologise to? Or declare my undying love for after a moment of realisation? All I can say is he must be joking. My family for starters, who are owed any number of apologies, already think i am slightly mad. In my family, anyone who does not have a job that brings in a regular monthly income and keeps you at a desk between 8am and 7pm is certifiably, clinically insane. I think the precise opposite. And an emotional phone call from some seminar that they think is nuts will not help matters.
And likewise, the small matter of love has never been something I intended to resolve in front of 180 other people.
I guess i am also scared that Landmark will take my edge off. I don't necessarily want to love everyone and everything, to be so at one witht the world, so completely in the moment, that i realise nothing material in this world matters at all and thus lose my own unique brand of opinionated, ambitious vitriol! I am a writer and i need my edge. I like being moody and hating things.
But in truth I hate less and less. Hate is negativity and negativity is the enemy. Positive thoughts only in my increasingly mastered mind.
I am definitely dreading the prospect of spending 3 12 hour days in a room with a bunch of happy clapping self awareness freaks who get to know all my most pathetic, wretched, innermost secrets.
But maybe they won't be freaks. Maybe they will be just like me!
Completely normal.
Landmark say: “We have a requirement that people must be emotionally stable at that time to participate in our programs.”
I think I am emotionally stable.
Most of the time.
Here goes nothing.
Writing time: 7 hours
Manifestation: 85% due to slight confidence issue brought on by red wine fug from previous night. Maybe Landmark will enable me to simply say 'no' to that type of dalliance.
Apparenty it's very popular with 29 year olds about to hit the big 3-0.
I have not been in such a dillemma about something for a long time, but have decided my fear of it dictates I must tackle it head on.
Why am I doing it?
Well, a friend of mine who was in nearly as big a mess as I was a few years back, did Landmark and swears it was one of the best decisions of his life. 3 others I know have strongly recommended that I do it. He literally turned his life around after it. And so much of their product seems aimed to conquer areas of my life that are still problematic - decision making (i.e whether or not to go out on the lash or not), blockages (do I tell someone I love them or leave it?), relationships (how to have one would be a good start), addiction (any of a number of things) and productivity (if i want this book deal by my 30th birthday i need to step up the pace).
After extensive web research, opinion on Landmark is hugely divided.
It is clearly one of the most popular human learning seminars in the world - it is now a global business.
But it is banned in france. They believe it to be some form of cult or sect. And cults and sects are strange things. But so are the French. Austria also consider it a sect. But that is the birthplace of adolf hitler. One kid in North America went missing and commited suicide shortly after attending Landmark.
But people go missing every day. Maybe Landmark simply persuaded this guy there was actually no real need to return to his abusive family?
Another Landmark student form Colorado killed his postman shortly after attending class... But people in Colorado kill each other every day from what I can work out.
I guess my biggest fear is that Landmark will be the first big group awareness stuff I have done. And it will be the culmination of all this self stuff and therapy i have undertaken in the past few years. And i guess that i am scared of opening up in a big group of people.
A friend of mine says mysteriously on landmark: 'Play the game. When the time comes, make the phone calls'.
I can only assume he means calling people who i need to apologise to? Or declare my undying love for after a moment of realisation? All I can say is he must be joking. My family for starters, who are owed any number of apologies, already think i am slightly mad. In my family, anyone who does not have a job that brings in a regular monthly income and keeps you at a desk between 8am and 7pm is certifiably, clinically insane. I think the precise opposite. And an emotional phone call from some seminar that they think is nuts will not help matters.
And likewise, the small matter of love has never been something I intended to resolve in front of 180 other people.
I guess i am also scared that Landmark will take my edge off. I don't necessarily want to love everyone and everything, to be so at one witht the world, so completely in the moment, that i realise nothing material in this world matters at all and thus lose my own unique brand of opinionated, ambitious vitriol! I am a writer and i need my edge. I like being moody and hating things.
But in truth I hate less and less. Hate is negativity and negativity is the enemy. Positive thoughts only in my increasingly mastered mind.
I am definitely dreading the prospect of spending 3 12 hour days in a room with a bunch of happy clapping self awareness freaks who get to know all my most pathetic, wretched, innermost secrets.
But maybe they won't be freaks. Maybe they will be just like me!
Completely normal.
Landmark say: “We have a requirement that people must be emotionally stable at that time to participate in our programs.”
I think I am emotionally stable.
Most of the time.
Here goes nothing.
Writing time: 7 hours
Manifestation: 85% due to slight confidence issue brought on by red wine fug from previous night. Maybe Landmark will enable me to simply say 'no' to that type of dalliance.
Monday 19 March 2007
Day 23 - ugly memories
During a day of quality writing, I have made a breakthrough on the overall direction of 'How To Survive Your 20's In One Piece'.
The book is constructed around an A-Z glossary of things we are likely to encounter in our 20's.
But to what extent should these things be dealt with? How do I want the reader to feel after they have read my views on topics as big as stress, debt, marriage, mortagages and love?
Do I want to be a self help guru? Or do I want to do tell my story how it is and let people draw their own conclusions on life from 20-29?
I read a couple of books over the weekend by young guys writing about their lives. The first was by the alcoholic nightlife journalist Tom Sykes, called 'What did I do last night?', about his escapades as a journalist who is plied with free alcohol from the minute he starts his working life.
The second was 'A Million Little Pieces' by James Frey, about a true degenerate's recovery from chronic addicition to everything under the sun.
Sykes's book is an enjoyable read. It starts with his expulsion from Eton and continues on an amiable romp through his 20's, during which time he happily consumes most substances that are put in front of him and goes completely off the rails, while just about managing to hold some sort of career together reviewing clubs, pubs, bars, parties and social circutis in New York and London. He is fired from the Evening Standard and GQ, and eventually from the New York Post. His account is believable and not unlike my own experiences is many ways. But I got the feeling throughout that Sykes held back - that he couldn't quite admit some of the really bad and embarrasing things he had done. Maybe he simply can't remember much of the details... And it suffers because of that.
Frey's book, 'A Million Little Pieces' is an alarming read about a crackhead, which begins with his parents driving him to rehab as he drinks wine from the bottle in the back of their car. He has a hole in his cheek and needs major dental reconstruction. The book is a highly unpleasant experience from start to finish. It is genuinely shocking, and enlightening on the subject of addiction, without ever being truly inspiring. Furthermore, the book starts by admitting that not everything is true within - that some facts are embellished (but Frey only admitted this after people in New York had outed his story as innacurate). For this reason you don't know where you stand with Frey. And thus his own story as the writer lacks credibility.
So, Sykes wins. Even if his story is a bit like Roald Dahl's 'Boy', but dipped in a vodka martini.
SO...
Where do I go with 'How To Survive Your 20's'?
How do I avoid the everydayness of Sykes, while remaining far more credible than Frey?
After all, I want to market myself properly through this book. I want to be on Oprah as the authority on 20somethings. I must stand up as witness of integrity.
The answer I think, is simple: it needs to be brutally honest.
And it needs to be utterly infused with my own experience. Every detail of every fuck up, every video nasty, every embarrassing failure and excessive success needs to be in those pages. Because that's what has been interesting about my life - the heady highs and the unbearable lows.
But that is tough - I am ashamed of many of the twists and turns. And as I write, the voices in my my head cry 'you can't write that!'. These voices, of course, are not my own. They are the voices of my sainted parents, who have afforded me every opportunity in life and will be finding much of the content out for the first time.
It will be tough reading for many who are close to me, but out of the comfort zone I must climb.
I think that, combined with my newfound pragmatism as a mature 29 year old, is where the answer lies.
That is what will ensure I eclipse both Sykes and Frey as the creator of a classic.
Writing time: 6 hours
Manifestation: 100%
The book is constructed around an A-Z glossary of things we are likely to encounter in our 20's.
But to what extent should these things be dealt with? How do I want the reader to feel after they have read my views on topics as big as stress, debt, marriage, mortagages and love?
Do I want to be a self help guru? Or do I want to do tell my story how it is and let people draw their own conclusions on life from 20-29?
I read a couple of books over the weekend by young guys writing about their lives. The first was by the alcoholic nightlife journalist Tom Sykes, called 'What did I do last night?', about his escapades as a journalist who is plied with free alcohol from the minute he starts his working life.
The second was 'A Million Little Pieces' by James Frey, about a true degenerate's recovery from chronic addicition to everything under the sun.
Sykes's book is an enjoyable read. It starts with his expulsion from Eton and continues on an amiable romp through his 20's, during which time he happily consumes most substances that are put in front of him and goes completely off the rails, while just about managing to hold some sort of career together reviewing clubs, pubs, bars, parties and social circutis in New York and London. He is fired from the Evening Standard and GQ, and eventually from the New York Post. His account is believable and not unlike my own experiences is many ways. But I got the feeling throughout that Sykes held back - that he couldn't quite admit some of the really bad and embarrasing things he had done. Maybe he simply can't remember much of the details... And it suffers because of that.
Frey's book, 'A Million Little Pieces' is an alarming read about a crackhead, which begins with his parents driving him to rehab as he drinks wine from the bottle in the back of their car. He has a hole in his cheek and needs major dental reconstruction. The book is a highly unpleasant experience from start to finish. It is genuinely shocking, and enlightening on the subject of addiction, without ever being truly inspiring. Furthermore, the book starts by admitting that not everything is true within - that some facts are embellished (but Frey only admitted this after people in New York had outed his story as innacurate). For this reason you don't know where you stand with Frey. And thus his own story as the writer lacks credibility.
So, Sykes wins. Even if his story is a bit like Roald Dahl's 'Boy', but dipped in a vodka martini.
SO...
Where do I go with 'How To Survive Your 20's'?
How do I avoid the everydayness of Sykes, while remaining far more credible than Frey?
After all, I want to market myself properly through this book. I want to be on Oprah as the authority on 20somethings. I must stand up as witness of integrity.
The answer I think, is simple: it needs to be brutally honest.
And it needs to be utterly infused with my own experience. Every detail of every fuck up, every video nasty, every embarrassing failure and excessive success needs to be in those pages. Because that's what has been interesting about my life - the heady highs and the unbearable lows.
But that is tough - I am ashamed of many of the twists and turns. And as I write, the voices in my my head cry 'you can't write that!'. These voices, of course, are not my own. They are the voices of my sainted parents, who have afforded me every opportunity in life and will be finding much of the content out for the first time.
It will be tough reading for many who are close to me, but out of the comfort zone I must climb.
I think that, combined with my newfound pragmatism as a mature 29 year old, is where the answer lies.
That is what will ensure I eclipse both Sykes and Frey as the creator of a classic.
Writing time: 6 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Days 21&22 - quality manifestation
The weekend, bar a minor nightcap on friday and a few glasses of wine yesterday afternoon, was spent quietly manifesting my future as a writer and authority on 20somethings everywhere.
It was good to see the Sunday Times promoting the new phenomenon of 'blooks' - blogs that develop into books... The manifestation was so thick I could reach out and touch it...
Taking in the newspapers as you might expect on a quiet weekend, gave me the opportunity to catch up on celebrity happenings around the world. If celebs are anything to go on, the current level of addiciton among 20somethings must be at an all time high. I counted no fewer than 10 current high profile rehab stints, being led admirably from the front by the newly shaven headed britney spears.
It's interesting to note that 'exhaustion' is now listed as the major reason for entering rehab!
The poor celebs are so exhausted by their chauffeur driven, endorsment funded, sushi fuelled lifestyles that a spell in the clinic is the only way to prepare themselves for the next bout of luxury bingeing.
Exhaustion is the new uber addiction. It is now the state one might find oneself in when one is addicted to so many different things, so many prescription uppers and downers, cocaine and ecstasy driven nights, money, sex and fame, that one simply comes to an abrupt halt.
But what of the normal 20something who is force fed this crap on a daily basis by a complacent, stale crop of media titles forced to invent celebrities just to fill their pages?
The rest of us need reminding that our lives are a) more meaningful, b) much more difficult, and c) should not be aspirant to this type of empty existence.
I had dinner the other night with a friend of mine who is newly married. He gets up at 6.30am, is at his desk for 8, and does not get home until 9pm. He is too busy to take a lunch break. He looked thin, tired and, worst of all, clearly hates his job. He is in that income bracket too good to turn own but not enough to really make a difference - and he has a huge mortgage and a wife to support. We discussed my new path and, without ramming it down his throat, I suggested he prioritise finding a job he enjoyed, seeing as he was spending 95% of his waking hours at work.
He resisted, saying he was fulfilling the role of 'man'. This is just how it was.
I feel bad for him.
The 20something is so concerned by their next paycheck, by the mortgage and the conventions they must conform to that they are actually prepared to forgoe the enjoyment of life.
How did it come to this?
I blame parents. And the proliferation of the money orientated celebrity dream into every corner of our lives.
But my lunch partner yesterday has a more revolutionary view on the whole thing.
Apparently, we (humanity / the universe), are leaving the piscean age and entering the aquarian age.
The Piscean age was male driven, and manifested in the kind of ridiculous pressures suffered by my aforementioned friend, and also was fiercely competitive and self centred.
Whereas the Aquarian age will see mankind help his neighbour, care for the planet, dispel convention and see the continued rise of womankind everywhere.
Bravo, I say.
My new, spiritual path dictates that I embrace such views and wholeheartedly believe in them.
It fits perfectly with everything promoted by The Secret - the power of positive thought, especially on a global scale, will see us through in the end.
The future may not be as bleak for my friend as I fear.
Writing time: 6 hours over w/e
Manifestation: 95%
It was good to see the Sunday Times promoting the new phenomenon of 'blooks' - blogs that develop into books... The manifestation was so thick I could reach out and touch it...
Taking in the newspapers as you might expect on a quiet weekend, gave me the opportunity to catch up on celebrity happenings around the world. If celebs are anything to go on, the current level of addiciton among 20somethings must be at an all time high. I counted no fewer than 10 current high profile rehab stints, being led admirably from the front by the newly shaven headed britney spears.
It's interesting to note that 'exhaustion' is now listed as the major reason for entering rehab!
The poor celebs are so exhausted by their chauffeur driven, endorsment funded, sushi fuelled lifestyles that a spell in the clinic is the only way to prepare themselves for the next bout of luxury bingeing.
Exhaustion is the new uber addiction. It is now the state one might find oneself in when one is addicted to so many different things, so many prescription uppers and downers, cocaine and ecstasy driven nights, money, sex and fame, that one simply comes to an abrupt halt.
But what of the normal 20something who is force fed this crap on a daily basis by a complacent, stale crop of media titles forced to invent celebrities just to fill their pages?
The rest of us need reminding that our lives are a) more meaningful, b) much more difficult, and c) should not be aspirant to this type of empty existence.
I had dinner the other night with a friend of mine who is newly married. He gets up at 6.30am, is at his desk for 8, and does not get home until 9pm. He is too busy to take a lunch break. He looked thin, tired and, worst of all, clearly hates his job. He is in that income bracket too good to turn own but not enough to really make a difference - and he has a huge mortgage and a wife to support. We discussed my new path and, without ramming it down his throat, I suggested he prioritise finding a job he enjoyed, seeing as he was spending 95% of his waking hours at work.
He resisted, saying he was fulfilling the role of 'man'. This is just how it was.
I feel bad for him.
The 20something is so concerned by their next paycheck, by the mortgage and the conventions they must conform to that they are actually prepared to forgoe the enjoyment of life.
How did it come to this?
I blame parents. And the proliferation of the money orientated celebrity dream into every corner of our lives.
But my lunch partner yesterday has a more revolutionary view on the whole thing.
Apparently, we (humanity / the universe), are leaving the piscean age and entering the aquarian age.
The Piscean age was male driven, and manifested in the kind of ridiculous pressures suffered by my aforementioned friend, and also was fiercely competitive and self centred.
Whereas the Aquarian age will see mankind help his neighbour, care for the planet, dispel convention and see the continued rise of womankind everywhere.
Bravo, I say.
My new, spiritual path dictates that I embrace such views and wholeheartedly believe in them.
It fits perfectly with everything promoted by The Secret - the power of positive thought, especially on a global scale, will see us through in the end.
The future may not be as bleak for my friend as I fear.
Writing time: 6 hours over w/e
Manifestation: 95%
Friday 16 March 2007
Day 20 - liam, noel, tone, and dave
I really love the gallagher brothers. In fact, I seem to be manifesting my future as a gallagheresque social commentator.
My area of expertise? The 20something.
I am probably more liam than noel.
But on politics, noel is king. and politics seems to be my subject of the week.
Noel says: 'for me, politics is like football. i may not like the new striker but it doesn't mean i start supporting another team'.
Which represents precisely the moral dichotomy i find myself in about david cameron.
Surely if this man ever has spinal surgery it will be to put one in? Why can't he just be himself? Many of the best leaders and auteurs this century have been old etonians. Why does dave fear this persona so?
Why try and be a man of the people when you are not?
We want to know who YOU are not who you want to be!
But there is the problem. Dave has no idea who dave is. And it is not his fault. The modern politician has to be whatever wins votes from day one, thus their whole persona is invented by spin doctors and opinion polls - being yourself is an arch crime.
Take patrick mercer, the poor bugger who cameron sacked last week for simply portraying publicly the racist monikers that will forever infuse military life. The lillied liver that is cameron dropped him like a hot potato, in a spine chilling public display of weakness the likes of which i have not seen since john major was in power. Imagine it! you give your coountry 25 years prolific service before becoming a tory MP, and when you finally speak out on a sensitive issue you get fired! i mean, just because the man told the truth does not mean he has an army of cotton picking slaves waiting to wipe his arse every time he takes a shit at his coutryside plantation!!!
Get a grip dave, or the voters will for you.
Cameron, who is currently making the headlines for simply renovating the basement of his notting hill 2up2down, needs a big reality check, or he risks becoming something even worse than TB: a lib dem PM, trying to please labour voters, while all the while moving further away from simply who he actually is, and who we all really want to know - the real dave cameron. (a half pint tory midbencher? we suspect so, but who knows, for god's sake?!).
But back to more influential and honest figures of public life. People who will really stand the test of time. After 6 brilliant albums, Oasis are up there with the stone roses, the rolling stones, primal scream and the beatles as one of GB's best ever bands. But in the early days, they were plagued by accusations of plagiarism.
In 1998, Liam's brilliant response was:
"Call me this, call me that, i couldn't give a fuck. I know for a fact that we are the real fucking deal. They've not seen the likes of it ever. Not for 20, 30, or 40 years. I'm on about ever."
Who can argue with that 8 years on?
And what politician can say that nowadays? They should all be ashamed of themselves. Recent great leaders like thatcher and clinton must be desperately dissapointed.
I am off to watch my first ever boxing match in 6 weeks for my 30th birthdy in Las Vegas. combined with a friend of mine's bachelor party, we are going to see oscar de la hoya vs floyd mayweather at he mgm grand.
It's billed as the best fight ever to be staged.
De la Hoya, a hugely intelligent and inspring man and the best pound for pound fighter ever, will face the brilliant and arrogant Mayweather, unarguably the biggest thing ever to hit boxing and still unbeaten.
Boxing is sick, but it is real. There is no messing around. Nowhere to hide.
I think about these two men, who i will have the priviledge to watch and pray for. Surely it will be an historic occasion and an epic sporting event to tell my father and grandchildren about in reverential tones.
And then i think of blair vs. cameron.
Nothing more than a WWF predetermined wrestling match of mediocrity, resided over and owned by rupert murdoch.
For god's sake, give us something to believe in.
As a modern 20something i am desperate for it.
And so are liam and noel - national treasures the pair of them.
Writing time: 7 hours
Manifestation: 100%
My area of expertise? The 20something.
I am probably more liam than noel.
But on politics, noel is king. and politics seems to be my subject of the week.
Noel says: 'for me, politics is like football. i may not like the new striker but it doesn't mean i start supporting another team'.
Which represents precisely the moral dichotomy i find myself in about david cameron.
Surely if this man ever has spinal surgery it will be to put one in? Why can't he just be himself? Many of the best leaders and auteurs this century have been old etonians. Why does dave fear this persona so?
Why try and be a man of the people when you are not?
We want to know who YOU are not who you want to be!
But there is the problem. Dave has no idea who dave is. And it is not his fault. The modern politician has to be whatever wins votes from day one, thus their whole persona is invented by spin doctors and opinion polls - being yourself is an arch crime.
Take patrick mercer, the poor bugger who cameron sacked last week for simply portraying publicly the racist monikers that will forever infuse military life. The lillied liver that is cameron dropped him like a hot potato, in a spine chilling public display of weakness the likes of which i have not seen since john major was in power. Imagine it! you give your coountry 25 years prolific service before becoming a tory MP, and when you finally speak out on a sensitive issue you get fired! i mean, just because the man told the truth does not mean he has an army of cotton picking slaves waiting to wipe his arse every time he takes a shit at his coutryside plantation!!!
Get a grip dave, or the voters will for you.
Cameron, who is currently making the headlines for simply renovating the basement of his notting hill 2up2down, needs a big reality check, or he risks becoming something even worse than TB: a lib dem PM, trying to please labour voters, while all the while moving further away from simply who he actually is, and who we all really want to know - the real dave cameron. (a half pint tory midbencher? we suspect so, but who knows, for god's sake?!).
But back to more influential and honest figures of public life. People who will really stand the test of time. After 6 brilliant albums, Oasis are up there with the stone roses, the rolling stones, primal scream and the beatles as one of GB's best ever bands. But in the early days, they were plagued by accusations of plagiarism.
In 1998, Liam's brilliant response was:
"Call me this, call me that, i couldn't give a fuck. I know for a fact that we are the real fucking deal. They've not seen the likes of it ever. Not for 20, 30, or 40 years. I'm on about ever."
Who can argue with that 8 years on?
And what politician can say that nowadays? They should all be ashamed of themselves. Recent great leaders like thatcher and clinton must be desperately dissapointed.
I am off to watch my first ever boxing match in 6 weeks for my 30th birthdy in Las Vegas. combined with a friend of mine's bachelor party, we are going to see oscar de la hoya vs floyd mayweather at he mgm grand.
It's billed as the best fight ever to be staged.
De la Hoya, a hugely intelligent and inspring man and the best pound for pound fighter ever, will face the brilliant and arrogant Mayweather, unarguably the biggest thing ever to hit boxing and still unbeaten.
Boxing is sick, but it is real. There is no messing around. Nowhere to hide.
I think about these two men, who i will have the priviledge to watch and pray for. Surely it will be an historic occasion and an epic sporting event to tell my father and grandchildren about in reverential tones.
And then i think of blair vs. cameron.
Nothing more than a WWF predetermined wrestling match of mediocrity, resided over and owned by rupert murdoch.
For god's sake, give us something to believe in.
As a modern 20something i am desperate for it.
And so are liam and noel - national treasures the pair of them.
Writing time: 7 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Thursday 15 March 2007
Day 19 - the provinces of freedom
After a morning of constant, productive, hangover free writing (for the 4th morning running), I took a trip to a provincial town just outside London to sign the papers to complete my super sized re-mortgage at a solicitor.
None of the establishments at which I was educated prepared me for the rigours of rolling my debts into one loan by re-mortgaging. It has taken 6 months and cost me thousands.
Indeed, a lawyer was needed, such were the depths of financial woe. In fact, signing in their presence for such a large sum of money brought me out in a cold sweat.
It was one of the moments in life where everything is brought to life in an instant, and I realised in a series of colourful but blurred flashbacks quite how much money i have invested in my endless pursuit of wrongery over the years.
Debt, I am informed by advertising guru friend, is now the single biggest worry for 20somethings everywhere. 1 in 4 20somethings have no conifidence whatsoever they will ever get out of it.
Doctors start work with up £60k of debt! The average law student passes the bar with £15k. Normal people from normal universities brainlessly accrue credit cards and debts before there first act out in the real world - declaring themselves bankrupt.
And your average pisshead bon viveur who can't quite support his lavish lifestyle can get to... well, a hell of a lot, let me tell you. But anyway, my visit to the solicitor sees a new financial era begin, with manageable repayments of all debts including mortgage.
I feel like a new man.
Debt is that most pressing of issues for the 20something.
It is easily passed off as 'an investment in my future', but for many turns into the defining, wretched influence in their life, and is thus written all over their actions and their lives.
The ease with which credit and loans are acquired needs proper examination. Virgin's current advertising campaign, encouraging young people to 'say yes' to credit, is among the most predatory and unsavoury i have seen. It seems to promise a kind of social and fashion nirvana, a complete lifestyle upgrade.
But in reality, the opposite is true. The more grizzled 20somethings amongst us will tell you that debt can bestow an armageddon like feeling on young people.
It's too bad this government seems concerned only with increasing the debts of 20somethings as opposed to helping them make the correct choices in life.
How To Survive Your 20's In One Piece is one book that will be reading the riot act on the current debt scenario for young people everywhere.
I have the government in my sights today.
My book will be so widely read i must not neglect to use it as a proper platform for soical improvements long overdue.
As opposed to a neat outlet for my daily need to distribute toilet humour.
Writing time: 4 hours due to provinical jaunt
Manifestation: 95%
None of the establishments at which I was educated prepared me for the rigours of rolling my debts into one loan by re-mortgaging. It has taken 6 months and cost me thousands.
Indeed, a lawyer was needed, such were the depths of financial woe. In fact, signing in their presence for such a large sum of money brought me out in a cold sweat.
It was one of the moments in life where everything is brought to life in an instant, and I realised in a series of colourful but blurred flashbacks quite how much money i have invested in my endless pursuit of wrongery over the years.
Debt, I am informed by advertising guru friend, is now the single biggest worry for 20somethings everywhere. 1 in 4 20somethings have no conifidence whatsoever they will ever get out of it.
Doctors start work with up £60k of debt! The average law student passes the bar with £15k. Normal people from normal universities brainlessly accrue credit cards and debts before there first act out in the real world - declaring themselves bankrupt.
And your average pisshead bon viveur who can't quite support his lavish lifestyle can get to... well, a hell of a lot, let me tell you. But anyway, my visit to the solicitor sees a new financial era begin, with manageable repayments of all debts including mortgage.
I feel like a new man.
Debt is that most pressing of issues for the 20something.
It is easily passed off as 'an investment in my future', but for many turns into the defining, wretched influence in their life, and is thus written all over their actions and their lives.
The ease with which credit and loans are acquired needs proper examination. Virgin's current advertising campaign, encouraging young people to 'say yes' to credit, is among the most predatory and unsavoury i have seen. It seems to promise a kind of social and fashion nirvana, a complete lifestyle upgrade.
But in reality, the opposite is true. The more grizzled 20somethings amongst us will tell you that debt can bestow an armageddon like feeling on young people.
It's too bad this government seems concerned only with increasing the debts of 20somethings as opposed to helping them make the correct choices in life.
How To Survive Your 20's In One Piece is one book that will be reading the riot act on the current debt scenario for young people everywhere.
I have the government in my sights today.
My book will be so widely read i must not neglect to use it as a proper platform for soical improvements long overdue.
As opposed to a neat outlet for my daily need to distribute toilet humour.
Writing time: 4 hours due to provinical jaunt
Manifestation: 95%
Wednesday 14 March 2007
Day 18 - my new identity
I've been studying a few writers in a bid to find my true role as the author of 'How to Survive Your Twenties'.
Pat Dollard, featured in the March Edition of Vanity Fair, must be one of the most cutting edge artists alive today. If he can stay sober long enough to complete his film Young Americans, about 20someting US marines serving in Iraq, it will surely be huge. Dollard's goal is to de-sensitise the mindless MTV / Abercrombie and Fitch generation to violence by making Americans serving in Iraq into heroes, not villains. A former Hollywood agent, he is now a true champion of conservative America and Dubya has started to infuse his speeches with Dollard's slogans. He is straight out of the Hunter S Thompson mould of gonzo journalism. Unfortunately, he is in and out of rehab for a nasty addiction to crystal meth, is going blind and has recently returned to Baghdad and not been heard from for a while. He also has a penchant for making amateur porn and 4 ex wives in tow... something tells me he could be on a fairly terminal path.
But I like him. He is genuine. He's so sick of all the neo liberal bullshit in his country that he is daring to take a stand - and is winning, in liberal Hollywood of all places.
Nirpal Dhaliwal in the Evening Standard yesterday was lifting the lid on the real, street level effects of middle class drug use. He wrote of poor Jamaican women forced to carry lethal amounts of cocaine in their stomachs, and of impoverished Vietnamese tricked into coming to the UK to manage marijuana houses - farms where the drug is grown and manufactured. He quotes the Colombian president, who says every gram of cocaine sold is tainted in blood.
I like Dhaliwal's writing enormously. He has a conscience but is funny, human, bitchy and bitter about his issues. He loves to fight the ethnic corner and is unafraid, just like Dollard.
He also suggests (or hints at, without fully endrosing this route) that leagalising drugs in some way might help to cure the above problems.
I would go a step further.
For the 20something, Tony Blair's lasting, most visible legacy in power (apart from his iraq project) is looking very likely to be casinos on every street corner in the UK, with a few 'super casinos' dotted here and there. Presumably these are for when a small casino simply isn't enough to fuel our burgeoning gambling addiction, and we want a really big night out at the tables squadering our hard earned cash, or burning our all too easily acquired credit.
And it is interesting to see his wife, Cherie, spouting off just across the page from Dhaliwal's article in the Standard, saying that criminals should now be given the chance to meet their victims, apologise to them and then get off scott free!!!
It strikes me that Cherie might very well be on drugs herself (She often looks like she is). Presumably this new method of deterrence is also conveniently designed to combat Tony's other big legacy - our ridiculously overcrowded prisons.
The drug problem among teens and 20somethings, in fact all age groups, is rife. As long as drugs are illegal, the chain of supply and demand will remain ungoverned and hugely dangerous for everyone involved - the police, the users, the mules, the manufacturers - even the wretched dealers! How can the poor blighters ever say sorry under cherie's new scheme if they've been shot in the head by one of her husband's trigger happy coppers?
In light of the clear failure of the war on drugs, surely it would be better for a young person to get their e's from somewhere that had passed them as 'safe'? Would a regular heroin user not be better off as a registered addict and be able to buy safer smack from the government? (Mind you, the governement have shown no inclination to make gambling any safer - maybe they would be happy to stick with poorly manufactured drugs if it earns more cash).
You could call the new business 'Tone and Cherie's crackden'.
Or hang on... maybe just sell the drugs directly from all the new casinos?!!
They seem to enjoy endorsing gambling, so why not drugs too?
And seeing how fond we all know young Euan is of a good night out, surely Cherie would rather he purchased his pills from a more reputable source than Coldharbour Lane, Brixton?
I challenge Dhaliwal to bring this idea to the government's attention. After all, they could earn big money from it and that seems to be there primary motivation.
And there are doubtless a ton of private equity firms who would be keen to get in on the act in hope of eventual privatisation.
Step one could be asking Cherie to lead the charge in legalisation... she could organise for all the convicted drug dealers to say a heartfelt 'sorry pal' to all their former customers... they would all then be released from her majesty’s accommodation, never to offend again - ('its a highly trained workforce, ready to start immediately!' i can hear tony exclaiming excitedly over a glass of chablis)... and go and work for the government, in the new civil service department 'Provision of Gambling and Class A Drugs'.
There could be even a big statue of Tony and a maniacally smiling Cherie outside.
Now that's what I call a real legacy, eh Tony?
Anyway, I digress.
Dollard and Dhaliwal represent the best kind of artists. They stand up up for something, regardless of how it will go down.
I think I'll take the best bits of both of them and become the Dollard / Dhaliwal of self help.
How To Survive Your 20's, by someone who only just did.
Sounds splendid.
I am feeling deeply passionate about what I do.
Writing time: 8 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Pat Dollard, featured in the March Edition of Vanity Fair, must be one of the most cutting edge artists alive today. If he can stay sober long enough to complete his film Young Americans, about 20someting US marines serving in Iraq, it will surely be huge. Dollard's goal is to de-sensitise the mindless MTV / Abercrombie and Fitch generation to violence by making Americans serving in Iraq into heroes, not villains. A former Hollywood agent, he is now a true champion of conservative America and Dubya has started to infuse his speeches with Dollard's slogans. He is straight out of the Hunter S Thompson mould of gonzo journalism. Unfortunately, he is in and out of rehab for a nasty addiction to crystal meth, is going blind and has recently returned to Baghdad and not been heard from for a while. He also has a penchant for making amateur porn and 4 ex wives in tow... something tells me he could be on a fairly terminal path.
But I like him. He is genuine. He's so sick of all the neo liberal bullshit in his country that he is daring to take a stand - and is winning, in liberal Hollywood of all places.
Nirpal Dhaliwal in the Evening Standard yesterday was lifting the lid on the real, street level effects of middle class drug use. He wrote of poor Jamaican women forced to carry lethal amounts of cocaine in their stomachs, and of impoverished Vietnamese tricked into coming to the UK to manage marijuana houses - farms where the drug is grown and manufactured. He quotes the Colombian president, who says every gram of cocaine sold is tainted in blood.
I like Dhaliwal's writing enormously. He has a conscience but is funny, human, bitchy and bitter about his issues. He loves to fight the ethnic corner and is unafraid, just like Dollard.
He also suggests (or hints at, without fully endrosing this route) that leagalising drugs in some way might help to cure the above problems.
I would go a step further.
For the 20something, Tony Blair's lasting, most visible legacy in power (apart from his iraq project) is looking very likely to be casinos on every street corner in the UK, with a few 'super casinos' dotted here and there. Presumably these are for when a small casino simply isn't enough to fuel our burgeoning gambling addiction, and we want a really big night out at the tables squadering our hard earned cash, or burning our all too easily acquired credit.
And it is interesting to see his wife, Cherie, spouting off just across the page from Dhaliwal's article in the Standard, saying that criminals should now be given the chance to meet their victims, apologise to them and then get off scott free!!!
It strikes me that Cherie might very well be on drugs herself (She often looks like she is). Presumably this new method of deterrence is also conveniently designed to combat Tony's other big legacy - our ridiculously overcrowded prisons.
The drug problem among teens and 20somethings, in fact all age groups, is rife. As long as drugs are illegal, the chain of supply and demand will remain ungoverned and hugely dangerous for everyone involved - the police, the users, the mules, the manufacturers - even the wretched dealers! How can the poor blighters ever say sorry under cherie's new scheme if they've been shot in the head by one of her husband's trigger happy coppers?
In light of the clear failure of the war on drugs, surely it would be better for a young person to get their e's from somewhere that had passed them as 'safe'? Would a regular heroin user not be better off as a registered addict and be able to buy safer smack from the government? (Mind you, the governement have shown no inclination to make gambling any safer - maybe they would be happy to stick with poorly manufactured drugs if it earns more cash).
You could call the new business 'Tone and Cherie's crackden'.
Or hang on... maybe just sell the drugs directly from all the new casinos?!!
They seem to enjoy endorsing gambling, so why not drugs too?
And seeing how fond we all know young Euan is of a good night out, surely Cherie would rather he purchased his pills from a more reputable source than Coldharbour Lane, Brixton?
I challenge Dhaliwal to bring this idea to the government's attention. After all, they could earn big money from it and that seems to be there primary motivation.
And there are doubtless a ton of private equity firms who would be keen to get in on the act in hope of eventual privatisation.
Step one could be asking Cherie to lead the charge in legalisation... she could organise for all the convicted drug dealers to say a heartfelt 'sorry pal' to all their former customers... they would all then be released from her majesty’s accommodation, never to offend again - ('its a highly trained workforce, ready to start immediately!' i can hear tony exclaiming excitedly over a glass of chablis)... and go and work for the government, in the new civil service department 'Provision of Gambling and Class A Drugs'.
There could be even a big statue of Tony and a maniacally smiling Cherie outside.
Now that's what I call a real legacy, eh Tony?
Anyway, I digress.
Dollard and Dhaliwal represent the best kind of artists. They stand up up for something, regardless of how it will go down.
I think I'll take the best bits of both of them and become the Dollard / Dhaliwal of self help.
How To Survive Your 20's, by someone who only just did.
Sounds splendid.
I am feeling deeply passionate about what I do.
Writing time: 8 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Tuesday 13 March 2007
Day 17 (cont) - in search of a normal, decent estate agent
Awesome feedback from writing guru on project and life. Words of blissful genius quite literally fell out of me onto my computer all afternoon.
Feeling so strong about this.
But - an exhausting day, full of typical nonsense that the modern 20something has to deal with.
The property ladder in London has, according to the newspapers, finally gone mad. 8 people are now trying to buy every home on the market. My indecision on what to do over my flat needs to come to an end. The school leavers from fucking foxtons are some of the shiftiest, most compromised people i have ever met. Not only have i had tears from one of the their 'sales negotiators' but her boss, who appears to be about 10 years old, then tried to emotionally blackmail me into taking a lower price. I held out and we got an improved offer, way over asking price, even if it meant the grommet like woman wouldn't receive her commission for another month.
Am i supposed to be upset about this?
Please! This is 2007. Sell the house, keep your client (me) happy, and get your poxy commission.
Don't, and you won't. Get over your pathetic role in life! It's not my fault you have chosen an existence at the bottom of the social and professional food chain.
Anyway, they now have a bigger fee, and i now have a better price, thanks to nothing more than a bit of good old fashioned backbone.
Added to this, the purchasing of the new place in heavenly position in hammersmith grove, is taking on the kind of operational pressure and logisitics usually reserved for hostile FTSE100 takeovers. As if it was not enough to be crafting a best selling novel, i now have a histrionic, upper class estate agent called clarissa to deal with.
Horrifying.
Added to this, I am still processing the dregs of the weekend. My liver hurts and my kidneys are pounding.
And the cherry on the cake is the ongoing, hopelessly complex and exhausting life negotiations with parents, who are safely half the world away in the southern hemisphere, thank god.
I am off to Bikram yoga to oggle bikini clad babes and sweat out the remnants of my gargantuan consumption on Sunday.
Roll on tomorrow - Wednesday is my most productive day of the week, namely because it is the day that resides far enough away form last weekend and not too close to next weekend.
I have a new mantra: "I am more than I appear to be. All the world's strength and power rests in me".
Powerful stuff.
Writing time: 5 hours due to sly, pompous, useless estate agents
Manifestation: 98% the fuckers won't get to me or my manifestation
Feeling so strong about this.
But - an exhausting day, full of typical nonsense that the modern 20something has to deal with.
The property ladder in London has, according to the newspapers, finally gone mad. 8 people are now trying to buy every home on the market. My indecision on what to do over my flat needs to come to an end. The school leavers from fucking foxtons are some of the shiftiest, most compromised people i have ever met. Not only have i had tears from one of the their 'sales negotiators' but her boss, who appears to be about 10 years old, then tried to emotionally blackmail me into taking a lower price. I held out and we got an improved offer, way over asking price, even if it meant the grommet like woman wouldn't receive her commission for another month.
Am i supposed to be upset about this?
Please! This is 2007. Sell the house, keep your client (me) happy, and get your poxy commission.
Don't, and you won't. Get over your pathetic role in life! It's not my fault you have chosen an existence at the bottom of the social and professional food chain.
Anyway, they now have a bigger fee, and i now have a better price, thanks to nothing more than a bit of good old fashioned backbone.
Added to this, the purchasing of the new place in heavenly position in hammersmith grove, is taking on the kind of operational pressure and logisitics usually reserved for hostile FTSE100 takeovers. As if it was not enough to be crafting a best selling novel, i now have a histrionic, upper class estate agent called clarissa to deal with.
Horrifying.
Added to this, I am still processing the dregs of the weekend. My liver hurts and my kidneys are pounding.
And the cherry on the cake is the ongoing, hopelessly complex and exhausting life negotiations with parents, who are safely half the world away in the southern hemisphere, thank god.
I am off to Bikram yoga to oggle bikini clad babes and sweat out the remnants of my gargantuan consumption on Sunday.
Roll on tomorrow - Wednesday is my most productive day of the week, namely because it is the day that resides far enough away form last weekend and not too close to next weekend.
I have a new mantra: "I am more than I appear to be. All the world's strength and power rests in me".
Powerful stuff.
Writing time: 5 hours due to sly, pompous, useless estate agents
Manifestation: 98% the fuckers won't get to me or my manifestation
Day 17 - in search of identity
I am still waiting for feedback on the first completed chapter of How To Survive Your Twenties In One Piece - I have a slot booked for 15.00 today which should reveal much...
I am worried i may have an awful lot of work to do.
But yesterday proved to be fruitful, despite tiredness from the weekend.
I spent most of the day picking subjects and developing prose for chapters 2(the b's)&3(the c's), and have hit upon something that is holding me back.
Who do I want to be to my reader? Do I want to be a guru like figure and clearly promote all of my different experiences and advice? Or do I want to pitch myself as a sympathetic figure - someone who has been chewed up and spat out throughout his 20's and now wants to share?
I could do both I think.
But how can I be a guru? I still have no real control over my own life, let alone be in a position to offer others advice on the subject.
When reading the prose I have created thus far, there is a fine line between offering simple advice and preaching. I think this, added to the fact that my life is hardly complete and secure at the moment, is stopping me from creating top quality work.
A solution has been offered, by a guru like figure in my life.
They have suggested I do the Landmark Forum. This is a 3 day seminar designed to raise self awareness and may enable me to find my best possible path. If it does what it says on the tin, I think it may be of huge help to me in manifesting HTSY20's in good time and thus leading my best possible life.
We shall see. Watch this space.
Writing time: 4 hours
Manifestation: 80%
One more note: I have a strong sense that love is just around the corner. I can feel it manifesting right in front of me.
I am worried i may have an awful lot of work to do.
But yesterday proved to be fruitful, despite tiredness from the weekend.
I spent most of the day picking subjects and developing prose for chapters 2(the b's)&3(the c's), and have hit upon something that is holding me back.
Who do I want to be to my reader? Do I want to be a guru like figure and clearly promote all of my different experiences and advice? Or do I want to pitch myself as a sympathetic figure - someone who has been chewed up and spat out throughout his 20's and now wants to share?
I could do both I think.
But how can I be a guru? I still have no real control over my own life, let alone be in a position to offer others advice on the subject.
When reading the prose I have created thus far, there is a fine line between offering simple advice and preaching. I think this, added to the fact that my life is hardly complete and secure at the moment, is stopping me from creating top quality work.
A solution has been offered, by a guru like figure in my life.
They have suggested I do the Landmark Forum. This is a 3 day seminar designed to raise self awareness and may enable me to find my best possible path. If it does what it says on the tin, I think it may be of huge help to me in manifesting HTSY20's in good time and thus leading my best possible life.
We shall see. Watch this space.
Writing time: 4 hours
Manifestation: 80%
One more note: I have a strong sense that love is just around the corner. I can feel it manifesting right in front of me.
Monday 12 March 2007
Days 15 & 16 - springtime manifestation
A beautiful weekend in london - clear blue skies, summertime temperatures, friends and manifestation.
Sunday was a big session and I feel tired this morning, but the muscle in my brain that engages positive thought is working overtime.
I have realised, via the process of this blog and continued development of self, that positive thoughts are 100% under my control.
But to what extent does getting wasted stop this from happening? The answer is that it is the only thing in my life which puts total manifesatation in any doubt whatsoever.
Might these periods of doubt and introspection manifest as reality?
Who knows...
Am I just being young? A typical 29 year old? Or do I need to totally stop drinking and having fun in order to realise my dreams?
I guess it is a question of risk.
Being myself, the jack we all know, does entail seeing people and having a drink.
But am i just making excuses here? Drinking and having fun and feeling below par is what regular, ordinary people do.
And I am trying to do something extraordinary.
I need to stop but I can't.
I may have control over my thoughts, but i need to gain some control over my life.
Writing time: insufficient
Manifestation: 25%
Sunday was a big session and I feel tired this morning, but the muscle in my brain that engages positive thought is working overtime.
I have realised, via the process of this blog and continued development of self, that positive thoughts are 100% under my control.
But to what extent does getting wasted stop this from happening? The answer is that it is the only thing in my life which puts total manifesatation in any doubt whatsoever.
Might these periods of doubt and introspection manifest as reality?
Who knows...
Am I just being young? A typical 29 year old? Or do I need to totally stop drinking and having fun in order to realise my dreams?
I guess it is a question of risk.
Being myself, the jack we all know, does entail seeing people and having a drink.
But am i just making excuses here? Drinking and having fun and feeling below par is what regular, ordinary people do.
And I am trying to do something extraordinary.
I need to stop but I can't.
I may have control over my thoughts, but i need to gain some control over my life.
Writing time: insufficient
Manifestation: 25%
Friday 9 March 2007
Day 14 (cont) - fear (again)
OK, i neglected to write what I am really going through earlier on.
I showed my work to someone I majorly respect the other day - Wednesday in fact. And I haven't heard back from them yet.
As the minutes become hours, i fear they think my work is terrible.
I must beat this thought out of my head.
But the problem is, my burning passion to become a best selling author is slightly offset by the fact that i am not a prolific writer...
But I can't think this. These negative thoughts will stop manifestation dead in its tracks.
I am the greatest, most creative writer currently working on a book called How To Survive Your Twenties In One Piece. Of that we can be absolutely certain.
She is reading my embryonic work and seeing all the infinite possibilities therein.
She is merely taking time to respond because she has a busy schedule and she is enjoying developing her response into a definitive, positive one.
OK. Feels good to download.
Thanks for being there for me.
I will let you, my vast audience, know how it goes.
Manifestation: 100%
I showed my work to someone I majorly respect the other day - Wednesday in fact. And I haven't heard back from them yet.
As the minutes become hours, i fear they think my work is terrible.
I must beat this thought out of my head.
But the problem is, my burning passion to become a best selling author is slightly offset by the fact that i am not a prolific writer...
But I can't think this. These negative thoughts will stop manifestation dead in its tracks.
I am the greatest, most creative writer currently working on a book called How To Survive Your Twenties In One Piece. Of that we can be absolutely certain.
She is reading my embryonic work and seeing all the infinite possibilities therein.
She is merely taking time to respond because she has a busy schedule and she is enjoying developing her response into a definitive, positive one.
OK. Feels good to download.
Thanks for being there for me.
I will let you, my vast audience, know how it goes.
Manifestation: 100%
Day 14 - blueprints for life
Breakthrough.
I've been working for a day on the challenges facing 20somethings.
Got to a stage where i was drawing up crazy charts and graphs. Blueprints. I was really pleased with them until I realised they made no sense to anyone but me.
What is the biggest challenge facing a 20something?
Succeeeding in our jobs? Addiction? Getting on the property ladder? Being great at sex?
No. You have to go beyond these admittedly huge problems. What causes these things to crop up in our lives? The 20something used to live a charmed existence. There was job security, affordable property, a stress free life. What makes the modern 20something into such a complex, compromised, crazy worrier?
I think I've figured it out:
It's convention.
We are all sold this massive convention of life from day one, that we must conform to or die unhappy.
Along the lines of:
University... job... partner... property... increase earning capability... so we can have a family... so we can be happy.
How absurd to think that there is such a structured path, such a rigorous set of rules and customs, into which we can successfully crowbar the youth of today.
So here's the breakthrough:
I've realised if my book is to truly help people in their 20's, it has to dispel all the conventions in their lives - for want of a better phrase, to get them out of the box.
Finding your purpose in life is truly the only standard or practice that should be promoted to the 20something.
Because on the other side of finding your purpose lies everything that all of the above promises.
I need my reader to really feel this - to really benefit from what I write.
Going to spend today working out how...
Writing time: 3 hours
Manifestation: 90%
I've been working for a day on the challenges facing 20somethings.
Got to a stage where i was drawing up crazy charts and graphs. Blueprints. I was really pleased with them until I realised they made no sense to anyone but me.
What is the biggest challenge facing a 20something?
Succeeeding in our jobs? Addiction? Getting on the property ladder? Being great at sex?
No. You have to go beyond these admittedly huge problems. What causes these things to crop up in our lives? The 20something used to live a charmed existence. There was job security, affordable property, a stress free life. What makes the modern 20something into such a complex, compromised, crazy worrier?
I think I've figured it out:
It's convention.
We are all sold this massive convention of life from day one, that we must conform to or die unhappy.
Along the lines of:
University... job... partner... property... increase earning capability... so we can have a family... so we can be happy.
How absurd to think that there is such a structured path, such a rigorous set of rules and customs, into which we can successfully crowbar the youth of today.
So here's the breakthrough:
I've realised if my book is to truly help people in their 20's, it has to dispel all the conventions in their lives - for want of a better phrase, to get them out of the box.
Finding your purpose in life is truly the only standard or practice that should be promoted to the 20something.
Because on the other side of finding your purpose lies everything that all of the above promises.
I need my reader to really feel this - to really benefit from what I write.
Going to spend today working out how...
Writing time: 3 hours
Manifestation: 90%
Thursday 8 March 2007
Day 13 - intention vs thought
Saw Lynne McTaggarat speak last night. She wrote a book called The Field a few years back which really broke the whole idea of the universe being one big, connected field of energy.
Cue the current craze around the law of attraction and the secret.
Most of you by now know that I am manifesting my future as a best selling author via this blog. By the power of positive thoughts and feelings, I am going to make things happen in a big way for my book, 'How To Survive Your 20's In One Piece'.
Lynne was fascinating on these subjects.
She spoke of ensuring your intentions and your thoughts are in unison, always.
But she made one very worrying statement from my point of view. Unlike what the secret claims, Lynne says that a negative thought is equally as powerful as a positive one.
And seeing as the law of attraction dictates that you will fill your universe with directly equivalent experiences to your thought processes, i simply cannot afford to have any more 'off days'. No more fear, no more doubt. No more nights out.
Negativity is the enemy.
I am re doubling my efforts. By merely thinking one negative thought I am jeopordising my entire future.
So it's time to clean up, and focus even harder on my passion - my work.
It's all taking shape nicely.
I need to do write and manifest... and nothing else.
It's going to be huge.
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Cue the current craze around the law of attraction and the secret.
Most of you by now know that I am manifesting my future as a best selling author via this blog. By the power of positive thoughts and feelings, I am going to make things happen in a big way for my book, 'How To Survive Your 20's In One Piece'.
Lynne was fascinating on these subjects.
She spoke of ensuring your intentions and your thoughts are in unison, always.
But she made one very worrying statement from my point of view. Unlike what the secret claims, Lynne says that a negative thought is equally as powerful as a positive one.
And seeing as the law of attraction dictates that you will fill your universe with directly equivalent experiences to your thought processes, i simply cannot afford to have any more 'off days'. No more fear, no more doubt. No more nights out.
Negativity is the enemy.
I am re doubling my efforts. By merely thinking one negative thought I am jeopordising my entire future.
So it's time to clean up, and focus even harder on my passion - my work.
It's all taking shape nicely.
I need to do write and manifest... and nothing else.
It's going to be huge.
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 100%
Tuesday 6 March 2007
Day 12 - indian philosophy
Friend of mine yesterday was saying how he is off to India this summer. He reminded me of a great quote by the indian philosopher Patanjali:
"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be."
That's pretty much where I am at the moment.
All 20somethings should visit India at some point - the western world seems to have forgotten that your own path is truly the greatest one.
Writing time: 7 hours
Manifestation: 99%
"When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be."
That's pretty much where I am at the moment.
All 20somethings should visit India at some point - the western world seems to have forgotten that your own path is truly the greatest one.
Writing time: 7 hours
Manifestation: 99%
Monday 5 March 2007
Day 11 - decent prose at last
After a nasty drought, my writing has returned to me just when i need it. The publishing phenomenon that is 'How To Survive Your Twenties In One Piece' seems to be back on track.
I know it was all self inflcted - but things happen for a reason, ok? including getting accidentally wasted.
I am preparing to take this project to market and have realised that all quality material must be collated in an organised fashion... it has been a most daunting task. Merely attempting to get the first chapter together is a royal pain in the ass... i should have some kind of production team in place to do this kinda stuff for me, right?!
Deciding what I can and cannot include about such diverse topics as 'assholes', 'absinthe', 'addiction' and 'anti freeze' is extremely difficult.
I am assailed by such thoughts as 'what if the worried mother of a drug addled 21 year old picked up the book and read this bit? would it stop her buying it for her poor little cokeheadikins?'
or:
'what if that incredibly beautiful, cool girl i used to know read this bit? would she consider me a sad fool for clearly still being such an immature idiot?'
HOWEVER - i take solace in the fact that if i am thinking these things, then i must truly believe that the book will be published. If I can visualise a scene such as the aforementioned mother holding the book in a branch of waterstones or barnes and noble, I must be on the fast track to manifestation... Surely these thoughts are simply an extension of my heartfelt belief in my own ability? (another tricky 'a' there).
And if I truly believe that the book will be published, then that is what will manifest. The law of atttaction guarantees it.
So - manifestation alive and kicking at this end.
I hope it is with you too. Chances are you've probably been doing it for years.
Time to get back to the A's. 'Amphetamine' 'aspiration' and 'awareness' up next. Juicy stuff -could be a late one.
Later dudes.
Writing time: 8 hours so far
Manifestation: 98%
I know it was all self inflcted - but things happen for a reason, ok? including getting accidentally wasted.
I am preparing to take this project to market and have realised that all quality material must be collated in an organised fashion... it has been a most daunting task. Merely attempting to get the first chapter together is a royal pain in the ass... i should have some kind of production team in place to do this kinda stuff for me, right?!
Deciding what I can and cannot include about such diverse topics as 'assholes', 'absinthe', 'addiction' and 'anti freeze' is extremely difficult.
I am assailed by such thoughts as 'what if the worried mother of a drug addled 21 year old picked up the book and read this bit? would it stop her buying it for her poor little cokeheadikins?'
or:
'what if that incredibly beautiful, cool girl i used to know read this bit? would she consider me a sad fool for clearly still being such an immature idiot?'
HOWEVER - i take solace in the fact that if i am thinking these things, then i must truly believe that the book will be published. If I can visualise a scene such as the aforementioned mother holding the book in a branch of waterstones or barnes and noble, I must be on the fast track to manifestation... Surely these thoughts are simply an extension of my heartfelt belief in my own ability? (another tricky 'a' there).
And if I truly believe that the book will be published, then that is what will manifest. The law of atttaction guarantees it.
So - manifestation alive and kicking at this end.
I hope it is with you too. Chances are you've probably been doing it for years.
Time to get back to the A's. 'Amphetamine' 'aspiration' and 'awareness' up next. Juicy stuff -could be a late one.
Later dudes.
Writing time: 8 hours so far
Manifestation: 98%
Days 9&10 - fear and doubt
Not a good weekend for manifestation.
The law of attraction dictates that only positive thoughts will result in manifestation of book deal and publisher by my 30th birthday.
And sadly, the weekend was full of fear and doubt.
There is nothing like a hangover to instil an inate fear of failure about a new project.
The end of the week was overwhelmingly positive. I seem to have manifested around 5 introductions to publishers regards How To Survive Your Twenties. Another friend knows a leading book designer. Another is facilitating an introduction to a top agent. Also, best friend seems to really believe in the project. One of them, anyway.
Yet although all these positive things are happening, I am living in a state of exhaustion which is stopping me producing my best work. I can't sleep in my flat cause it is too noisy. My re mortgage is taking so long I am out of pocket for thousands. My house sale seems to be falling through. My nerves seem shredded by life.
I live my life in recovery. Recovery from one thing or another.
I must produce better work. I must think, feel and believe in better work.
Maybe I should leave london to complete the project... I fear never truly conquering the demons of friendship and tribal pull.
The pressures of being a 20something!
I am looking froward to Day 11. Better this time draws to a close.
Writing time: virtually zero
Manifestation: ditto
The law of attraction dictates that only positive thoughts will result in manifestation of book deal and publisher by my 30th birthday.
And sadly, the weekend was full of fear and doubt.
There is nothing like a hangover to instil an inate fear of failure about a new project.
The end of the week was overwhelmingly positive. I seem to have manifested around 5 introductions to publishers regards How To Survive Your Twenties. Another friend knows a leading book designer. Another is facilitating an introduction to a top agent. Also, best friend seems to really believe in the project. One of them, anyway.
Yet although all these positive things are happening, I am living in a state of exhaustion which is stopping me producing my best work. I can't sleep in my flat cause it is too noisy. My re mortgage is taking so long I am out of pocket for thousands. My house sale seems to be falling through. My nerves seem shredded by life.
I live my life in recovery. Recovery from one thing or another.
I must produce better work. I must think, feel and believe in better work.
Maybe I should leave london to complete the project... I fear never truly conquering the demons of friendship and tribal pull.
The pressures of being a 20something!
I am looking froward to Day 11. Better this time draws to a close.
Writing time: virtually zero
Manifestation: ditto
Friday 2 March 2007
Day 8 - asinine attraction
Head hurts - friend got engaged so was obliged to celebrate. Woke up on friend's sofa at 6am grasping for water and fresh air.
Have decided to add 'maninfestation while hungover' to my already leviathan task. Maybe it is not impossible after all.
Justa (see comments) says the law of attraction is asinine. Justa also says that the secret is just a confidence game. I hear you - bad things can happen. Things that are unplanned and destructive. As the secret says - if you fall off a building, you hit the ground - nothing can stop that.
But... it works for me. I may be hit by a car today - there is nothing i can do to dispel that possibility. But what i am manifesting in my life is down to me and no one else.
Yesterday i had a coffee with an old friend for no other reason than to catch up - she knows a publisher and is going to introduce me. How come everyone i know suddenly seems to have a publisher friend?!!!
Justa - i hear you, your comments are thoughtful, but please... shift gears dude!
Thinking and believing you'll get there is key.
And allied to hard work it is guaranteed - whatever you think about will manifest.
Off for high powered meeting with advertising / pr guru to inform them of my hair brained scheme. Am slightly worried they will think i have gone mad.
Going to jump in at the deep end and unload the whole goddamn thing!
It feels awesome doing what i love.
Writing time: minimal due to hangover
Manifestation: 90%
Have decided to add 'maninfestation while hungover' to my already leviathan task. Maybe it is not impossible after all.
Justa (see comments) says the law of attraction is asinine. Justa also says that the secret is just a confidence game. I hear you - bad things can happen. Things that are unplanned and destructive. As the secret says - if you fall off a building, you hit the ground - nothing can stop that.
But... it works for me. I may be hit by a car today - there is nothing i can do to dispel that possibility. But what i am manifesting in my life is down to me and no one else.
Yesterday i had a coffee with an old friend for no other reason than to catch up - she knows a publisher and is going to introduce me. How come everyone i know suddenly seems to have a publisher friend?!!!
Justa - i hear you, your comments are thoughtful, but please... shift gears dude!
Thinking and believing you'll get there is key.
And allied to hard work it is guaranteed - whatever you think about will manifest.
Off for high powered meeting with advertising / pr guru to inform them of my hair brained scheme. Am slightly worried they will think i have gone mad.
Going to jump in at the deep end and unload the whole goddamn thing!
It feels awesome doing what i love.
Writing time: minimal due to hangover
Manifestation: 90%
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