Day 51 - when to reach stillness?

I caught up with my best friend yesterday - for the first time in weeks - and the first time since my retreat over easter.

He's a stockbroker, but quite spiritual and supportive of my new life with no short term income.

At the end of my part of the catch up, he asked me a really good question:

'If I start on this spritual journey like you have, my deepest fear is that I become content with not quite accomplishing what I know I want in life, because I will realise it doesn't mean all that much. I'm afraid I will lose my edge. Is this so?'

I laughed. And not just becasue he appears to be chasing things that he already knows aren't of any importance.

Take a minute to think about how absurd that is.

I laughed because it reminded me of a line I read in Eckart Tolle's book The Power of Now, after the realisation that he just wanted to 'be': 'I had no relationships, no home, no socially defined identity. I spent almost 2 years sitting on park benches in a state of most intense joy'.

At the time of reading that it really made me think.

When I started out on this journey, I jumped in at the deep end. I decided not to return to work for a monthly paycheck, downsized my flat and put money in the bank to fund the project, and underwent some fairly hardcore personal development and group awareness therapy. The writing of my book played second fiddle to this stuff for a while.

And more than a few times during that work, I brushed with the realistion that nothing really means anything in this world. Nothing at all. Things might mean something to you, or mean something to me, because we have attached meaning to them. But saying something 'means something to me' does not mean that it 'means something' in the universal sense. Ghandi means something to 500millions indian people for whom he changed the course of the future. But some people in south america have never even heard of him, so he means nothing to them. Thus he doesn't mean anything universally.

And it occured to me, each time I realised this, that all the striving in life, the struggle to attain what you want and have what you want have to happen, is pointless. You may as well just go with the flow and, in the words of Marcus Aurelius 'accept only what comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny'.

But for young men like my friend and myself, enlightening as this realisation might be, it represents a significant danger to our future. Because all those things we are striving for - me with the writing of my book and him with his deals in the city
- mean soemthing to us. And they mean something to our families and friends.

Which is why neither of us wants to end up like Tolle - sitting on a park benches feeling ridiculously happy with absolutely nothing to show for it.

Way before my chat with best friend, I was mulling over this on my way to my retreat over easter and resolved to ask the shaman who was leading the week what his view was.

'Shaman, one of my fears is the extent to which i have 'seen the light' during all this self stuff. It has caused me once or twice to question if any of my work or ambition is necessary at all. If I carry on exploring the rabbit hole of our existence, will I conclude Tolle is right to sit on park benches all day, and end up sitting on my own park benches, feeling fine and dandy, and never accomplishing anything?'

'That is the end result, yes.' replied the shaman solemnly.

'I'm not sure how I feel about that.'

'It needn't worry you just yet', the shaman said, smiling, 'it takes a bloody long time to get there.'

I laughed.

The shaman went on to me that because i had created such meaning in my world and thus held such things dear, that is the world in which i should stay. And if i was to stay in that world with my friends and family, who gave me such happiness, I would need to earn a living and pay my way, and thus that was why i 'wanted' and 'strived' with my writing.

'But' he said - 'therein lies the key to all this. If you must do things in life, in order to fund your surroundings and your lifestyle - make that journey of 'doing' enjoyable. Your purpose is your happiness in many ways. It will ensure that you genuinely love yourself and love what you are doing in order so that you can love everything else in your life, and never start to resent it for keeping you from the aforementioned state of nirvana - because you are there anyway'.

I realised then that simply following your heart and your dreams is nirvana.

I told this to my friend and we concluded that it all came down to balance.

And now I realise that i can safely pursue this zen like state, happy in the knowledge that it is many years away, and that the journey will be truly amazing for me, as i write my way towards the ultimate destination.

But I also have to say that I am looking forward to spending some days - maybe even many days, perhaps in 20 years or so, simply sitting on a park bench feeling unbridled, ecstatic joy.

And not feeling the need to do anything at all.

That appeals hugely.

Writing time: 6 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 50 - progress audit mk2

OK, time to take stock of where I am with things.

Just 11 days until my 30th birthday. It doesn't look like my book deal will be in place by then.

BUT - who cares about time? Time is one of the biggest illusions of all.

Will I really be any different whatsoever when I turn 30?

No.

I'll just have a new label. And labels, very much like time, are totally meaningless.

I would say the manifestation of How To Survive Your 20's continues at good speed. Maybe not as fast as I hoped, but truly I now realise that the journey itself is the destination - and that is key to completing good work.

I also realise much much more about the way the world works than when I started 50 days ago. You've got to slow down to speed up. It's so important to react to synchronistic events. Things that happen to us happen for a reason. And positive thought and Kaizen rule.

I have 3 weeks left of my writing course, at the end of which I will have a book proposal to show to publishers. As long as I fill those 3 weeks with as much good work and positive thought as is humanly possible, and ignore the difficulties that life presents me with, I feel I have enough material now to really present my case for a publisher in an authoritarian, unique manner. That should be possible - potential house move and trip vegas to celebrate 30th aside.

Vegas is starting to feel like a major thorn in the side of my progress. 'It's only 3 days' i keep telling myself.

But let's look further into my blog and the rationale for setting out on this project in the first place. I am aiming to put The Secret to the test. To ask, believe and recieve that my work will be published and I become a bestseller.

I believe in these mantras more than ever. There are so many signs that they are conspiring to help me.

So I was again dissapointed to see another British newspaper, the Evening Standard, slagging The Secret off yesterday.

Laura Craik, who used to be the fashion dolly for the paper, has taken a dislike to it after her single girlfriends told her to get a copy of the book. She kinda implies that all single girls are self help junkies, and also gets nicely smug about the fact that she is s) in a relationship and b) so busy toiling at work that she has to order a copy from amazon as opposed to trot down ken high street to get a copy from waterstone's. Craik says that watching paint dry is more interesting and The Secret is 'quacky'.

She closes her tirade against The Secret by saying 'if you want spiritual enlightenment, try the church. Or failing that, the bottom of a beer glass. The Secret? There isn't one. The Truth? Life's a bitch and then you die.'

Now, surely even the most hard nosed sceptics can see how sad, bitter and plain unnattractive that piece of journalism actually is?

I mean, the church for goodness's sake? In these times, how out of tune is that? And as for the bottom of a beer glass, maybe that is where Craik finds herself all too often. Craik looks as tight lipped as her writing suggests, and again I would like to ask why almost every mainstream UK media title has now ranted against The Secret as a 'quacky money making scheme'. And none of the 'journalists' even put The Sercet to the test!!! How can they claim to be providing a good service to their readers if they make such huge negative assumptions?

I say it again: Why not simply start publishing exerpts from this blog every day and put The Secret to the test properly, by someone who genuinely believes it will work?

All this negativity makes progress difficult. Constantly having moments of doubt instilled in me by the media just sucks. Not just for me but for eveyone that Craik so despises who uses The Secret to great effect.

It's whiny, cynical, destructive and plain British.

Conversely, America has embraced The Secret with open arms. Oprah has done 2 one hour specials on it. It is top of the NY Times bestseller list. The DVD has sold 2million copies. They even gave it away in the goody bags on Oscar night - a sure fire sign that the establishment has bought into it.

It's a classic sign of America's strengths winning over British weaknesses.

We are so negative as a nation. Our first instinct is to say why we can't do something. America's is to say why they can.

My progress continues in this most difficult environment, but surrounded by such negativity and cynicism it is tough.

I am starting to feel that the answer may lie elswhere.

Many synchronistic things have recently pointed me to America.

I may start to react to them soon.

Writitng time: 4 hours

Manifestation: 90%

Days 47, 48, 49 - the property test

Another interesting development on the property front.

At the 11th hour, just one day before we were due to exchange, my buyer announces he is 70 large ones short of his offer. Nice timing, thanks pal.

Cue cancelling of all house move plans at just 24 hours notice, and a weekend of acute worry and stress over the potential disastrous loss of my onward purchase, not to mention the money from the sale.

Except I now realise that acute worry and stress is going to deliver precisely nothing to my life, indeed it will probably result in negative manifestations.

I am therefore looking upon this most testing of weeks as a mere test in my power to stick to my path with total faith. I must not waiver.

The buyer has another 7days to come up with the money, or I run a mile with his nice fat deposit. But it's all a bit of an illusion because I now owe that fat deposit to my onward purchase.

In times such as these, it seems that faith in the universe and mother nature to provide me with all i want in this life can seem a little... whacky. But I shall stick to the plan and watch the manifestation happen around me.

However, the manifestation of my bestselling book is not exactly speeding up - my intention to free up a bit of capital to allow me time to write without restriction has been ripped to pieces by my bulshitting buyer. It's not just my house sale that may fall apart - it is my intentions and dreams as well.

But - if i focus on the negativity that is what will manifest - so positive thinking and feeling good is a must all this week.

Stay tuned for a full assesment of my progress so far on Day 50 - living the dream?

Writing time: not enough due to uncertainty around house move.

Manifestation: 75%

Day 47 - going with the flow

It's funny how mothers are sometimes proved right in the long run. Stuff they know about, they know about.

If i had a pound for everytime mine had told me to 'slow down' over the years i would be a very wealthy man.

And that is precisely what i have resolved to do - on the advice of my mom, and countless help gurus.

We all know how different somthing feels when it is 'right' or 'meant to be' to when it is 'wrong'. This is called alignment. Alignment with the universe and alignment with your destiny.

Being in alignment is something I am really feeling at the moment.

But the thing is, it requires certian measures are taken to ensure that I stay in this good space. The first being that I am in alignment not only with what I am here to do, but also with the how nature and the universe intends me to accomplish it.

Life shouldn't be a struggle. Every moment should be as it should be. The minute you try and force something to happen the blockages come up and you are out of alignment. That is why people at work, with intense deadlines to meet, are so strtessed and unhappy. They are always meeting deadlines that do nothing for them - other peoples deadlines. That is what makes them unhappy. They have no alignment. They may be rich but so what? If there's one thing we all know to be true it is that their money can't buy them happiness (which is all any of us really wants when you strip it down - the Dalai Lama says this is so).

I mean, let's look at 5 of the biggest self gurus of all time, and their thoughts on slowing down and going with the flow:

One of the Grandaddy's of self help, Lao Tzu, in the Tao Te Ching, 3rd century BC: 'Flow around obstacles, don't confront them. Don't struggle to succeed. Wait for the right moment.'

The modern guru, Deepak Chopra: 'The 4th spiritual law of success is the law of least effort. This is the principle of least action, of no resistance... When we learn this lesson from nature, we easily fulfill our desires.'

The corporate guru, Richard Koch (80/20 principle): 'The 80/20 principle, like the truth, can make you free. You can work less. At the same time, you can earn and enjoy more.'

Bill Clinton's guru, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounded Meehee Chick-sent-meehee), and modern master of all things 'flow': 'Flow helps to integrate the self because in that state of deep concentration - going with the flow - conciousness is unusually well ordered.' (That must be why i feel everyone else is mad, whereas i feel totally normal! My conciousness is ordered. Theirs is muddled!)

Thomas Moore, who spent a year at the top of the NYTimes bestseller list: 'Soul cannot thrive in a fast paced life because being affected, taking things in and chewing on them, requires time.'

And then of course their is that greatest of helpers, my mother, with the constant requests for me to 'slow down'.

They are all on to something i think.

Going with the flow is not easy, however. As Csikzentmihalyii says, it requires deep concentration and forgoing of distractions. Once you have identified what you are here to do, as my deep sense of wellbeing surely indicates that i have, you must then focus on that completely, putting in the requisite work when the universe and intuition (surely interelated guides) indicate it is needed. But it's no hassle when you love what you do.

My best work is happening as a consequence.

It happens in writing all the time. At the beginning of the year, I was constantly putting the cart before the horse, setting myself herculean tasks about which i knew little, and thus producing shabby work. But as my journey continues, I have discovered inspiration and quality come from peace, alignment and meditation.

So hear's to slowing down.

And going with the flow.

All those gurus can't be wrong - and nor can mom.

Writing time: 9 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 46 - The Retreat (cont) - self love

On the final day of the retreat over Easter, I had one last question.

I now knew that I posessed everything I needed to move forward with my book and my life, that the answers to everything lay right inside me, and how to ensure my heart would triumph over my ego.

But one piece of information still eluded me.

How was I to apply this new plan in 'real life' - back in the 'real' world? When you are surrounded by the matrix, it is all to easy to slip into old habits. It was troubling me. I had had great experiences with other forms of therapy (but none as revealing as my time at Tourne), and then failed to integrate the knowledge into my life back in London.

I sought advice from the Shaman leading the retreat, who told me all the answers lay in our dreams and subconcious, and if I really wanted to know, I should meditate and ask the Ayahausca in our final session that night. I nodded - the Ayahausca had revealed epic information to me in the past few days - there was no reason it would not do so again.

That night we drank our small glass of the peruvian plant and I sat meditating on my life, wandering why I could never full manage to apply all the things I knew were good for me into my life. Why did I always seem to lapse into drinking and taking drugs with people I knew were such a negative influence? Why did I sometimes make such bad choices? Why did I sometimes sabotage beneficial situations?

These questions were answered by a series of rather dark, depressing but hugely rewarding visualisations and realisations.

It's self love.

I don't apply it.

Some of my friends may laugh at that - but it's true.

Becuase we are not talking narcissistic self love here.

We are talking care and attention - TLC - the type you get from your own mother.

If you don't love yourself, you don't treat yourself right. Think about that for a second. Do you treat yourself like someone that you love?

The answer with me was a big 'no'.

Do you want someone you love to go out drinking all the time and thus watch them become unable to pursue their dreams? Do you hope to see people you love screw up beneficial situations and circumstances? Do you want someone you love to eat and drink too much and get overweight?

No.

And none of this stuff happens to you when you apply large doses of self love.

And it'll be different from now on in this corner.

Just asking 'If i loved myself would i do this?' has helped instil huge discipline over the past week or so.

Drinking sessions become yoga sessions. Meeting someone for an expensive lunch becomes a run in the park. Jumping out of bed to make a cup of coffee and manically writing my to do list becomes 15 minutes of meditation overlooking the trees next to my flat.

But above all, all I want to do is write. I am writing my best stuff ever - and it's from the heart not the ego.

That's what I learned on The Retreat.

The manifestation continues at pace.

Writing time: 7 hours

Manifestation: 100% (have not had a proper hangover for well over 3 weeks now - feeling very proud).

Day 45 - ralph waldo emerson

I've been reading lots of Emerson - his universal knowledge is cropping up endlessly in chapters of How To Survive Your 20's In One Piece.

Emerson is known, along with a handful of others, as one of the grandaddys of self help.

He is big on self reliance, and helped sculpt the principals of American individualism.

This is certainly something which I can currently identify with. My faith in this project, some might say, borders on the insane.

Problem is, there is no other way for me. And therein lies the joy of it all.

In Emerson's words:

'Insist on yourself: Never imitate.Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life's cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another you have only a modicum of posession. That which each can do best, but none but his maker can teach him... Do that which is assigned to you, and you cannot hope too much or dare too much.'

It's big stuff, is Emerson, and it is both inspiring and frightening in equal measure. But as we now know, living with fear is progress in itself.

'Do that which is assigned to you' especially rings true. Throughout my 20's I have always known I wanted to be a writer. I was pretty good at writing at school, but beyond that, there was no indication that writing was what i should pursue. I just knew one day that was my purpose.

And when you just know what you want, no matter how big the task, no matter how many your shortcomnings, if you've got the balls, you just have to get on with it.

Granted, i have received help from my family along the way, but there's no pot of gold at the end of this rainbow. I am risking my future, the sceptics tell me.

And they are right. In this society, every day spent as a 29 year old man not earning and building my CV is a risk.

But I regard the 9to5 as the bigger risk. The risk that you do your 40 years and, if your heart wasn't in it, you end up with nothing. No love, no happiness, endless 'what ifs' and a death affirming prozac addiction. Moribund we all are, but i'd rather really live until i die than feel dead way before i actually am.

And I'm sorry to say this, but most people in the Matrix are kind of already dead.

You have to stay out of The Matrix and afford yourself the time and presence of mind to achieve your goals.

That is Emerson's meassage about the leap to self-reliant freedom.

Human beings find a way to survive.

Because it is just making that step that gets you to the ultimate destination. Because the palace of your dreams - the images of happiness and contentment, maybe the car, the house, the lifestyle - doesn't actually exist. Because when you finally get to a place that resembles it, that moment is instantly in the past and you want something else. Hence the truthful old cliche 'the journey is the destination'.

So you may as well enjoy it and apply yourself to what you love. I am only just beginning to understand that phrase. By that rationale, I already consider myself a success. Just to have escaped the matrix and be on my path feels incredible.

Emerson urges us to truly examine ourselves and identify our calling.

But now that I have done so, everyone gives me hassle about it...

He goes on: 'Our primary duty is not to our family, to our job, to our country, but only that which calls us to do or be. Too often 'duty' prevents us from taking up our true path. We can push aside a calling for years, choosing obvious sources of money or satisfaction or a more comfortable situation, but it will eventually make its claims.'

Hmmm. That feels good. Our duty is to give ourselves the best possible life, and in doing so help all those around us see the light also.

On education, brilliantly, RWE says that conventional education is very much about teaching people where their ceiling might be as opposed to how to break through it - society doesn't want to bust open the matrix. It would be too chaotic. He talks of real intelligence living in 'intuition' - whereas all traditional modern schooling is based around 'tuition'.

I like this guy Emerson very much.

In a flash of light, Emerson says: 'Your conformity explains nothing'.

Why then, is it almost shameful in today's society to say to someone 'i am working on my unpublished first book'.

You get the inevitable looks of 'yeah, right' or a kind of half hearted 'good on yer pal'.

Insincere comments formulated at the heart of the matrix.

About this feeling Emerson says: 'We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea that each of us represents'.

No more shame over here.

Emerson says I am doing the right thing...

I am going with him.

Writing time: 4 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 44 - be the change

It's tough to communicate positive change to people.

Just recently this blog seems to be more focussed on the manifestation of my mental stability via various forms of therapy than on the manifestation of my elusive publisher.

And all this work, this journeying into myself, is bringing up all sorts of unforseen problems.

I can't seem to have a conversation about it without getting riled by people's scepticism and inability to accept what is going on with me.

I mean, if someone asks you a question like 'so what are the effects of all this therapy stuff?' and I tell them the honest answer (after all it is me who is going through these experiences), it is incredibly annoying to then be told that i am wrong about what is happening.

I'm not wrong. Not a chance.

Not that there is such a thing as right and wrong, but i'm gonna use them tonight as i'm frustrated.

Because this is all knoweldge - knowledge about what is happenig to me - to my head and my heart and my spirit. It's not an opinion - I can feel the changes inside me. I know what they feel like, and no one else.

And if someone asks me a question about it, then it would be highly inauthentic of me to say anything other than the truth - and inauthenticity is no longer an option.

Not even a smidge.

I guess Ghandi had similar problems of his own when he was fulfiling his destiny...

That's what he must have meant when he said 'be the change.'

It's the only way to win over the outside world.

This terribly sceptical, cynical outside world.

Writing time: 5 hours

Manifestation: 80% due to slight hangover

Day 43 - The Retreat cont - 3 dimensional vision

On the first night of the retreat, i had a dream.

Frequent readers will know about my obsession with the Hawaian 'huna of being'. The idea behind the huna is that to live the life you really want, you must revolve equally between the 3 states of human existence: 'being', 'having' and 'doing'. Being is gathering energy via yoga, meditation and other beneficial, self serving exercises. Doing is using that energy to achieve and acumulate what we want in this life. Having is finishing off the energy supplies by enjoying the fruits of our labour.

The huna is usually presented in a 2D triangular diagram.

I have always believed, since my guru taught me of the huna a few years back, that within the huna lies happiness and fulfilment - master those 3 states, sharing your time equally among them, and you will get to where you want to be.

And as you frequent readers know, i have never quite mastered them.

The dream was a series of exchanges between myself and a shaman like figure. I was trying to give him an object I had made - a wooden triangle representing the huna.

'It's broken and i need you to fix it.' I said.

'It's not broken.' the shaman replied softly, smiling at me.

I woke up, trying to figure the exchange out, before drifting back to sleep and returning to the dream.

'It's broken and i want you to fix it for me.' i said, more forcefully.

'It's not broken.' The shaman said again kindly.

Again i woke, confused, before returning to my sleep.

Back in the dream I was frustrated and angry now - trying to force my wooden huna on the shaman.

'It's broken and i can't mend it. I need you to fix it. Please fix it for me."

But the shaman simply replied 'it's not broken, child.'

I woke exasperated, and a bit beffudled, as you sometimes can feel after a dream of cryptic nature.

But I wrote the dream down - not something i normally do.

The following night in our Ayahausca ceremony, I asked the plant to tell me what the dream meant, and lay back under the stars at my temporary home in the mountains.

I saw pyramids. Pyramids of all shapes and sizes, illuminated in gloomy shades of light by many moons, and then drenched in irridesent spotlights by a huge burning sun, revolving around my figure in the center of the pyramid.

And it hit me like the proverbial big bang.

The huna is not a 2D triangle. It's a 3D pyramid. A 3 sided pyramid. An object not a drawing. After 2 years of studying the huna, I finally realised what was missing - nothing. I just hadn't been looking at it properly.

But what was the fourth dimension? The missing point that I hadn't - until now - been able to see?

In the dream lay the answer, the Ayahausca revealed.

I re read my notes. And I saw many moons. And I relaised that the being, having and doing were all daylight activities. But for a good 30% of our lives we are asleep, dreaming our little heads off.

The fourth dimension is our dreams - our subconcious.

It's who we really are.

I haven't stopped writing, or re-drawing my huna, ever since.

It's more beautiful now than it ever was before - a 3D representation of my life. Something to refer to constantly and measure myself against.

And guess what? I'm completely in control of it. Divided perfectly between the four states of being.

Living out my destiny.

Writing time: 4 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 42 - lashings of cash

I was having a post retreat catch up at my friends new £1m+ one bedder in notting hill last night (it's funny, but as you approach 30 it dawns on you that some people are going to be stinking rich. This is a good thing - if your friends become rich, you benefit hugely).

We were talking therapy, and our respective life projects that you might call work.

Actually, we were trying to define what 'work' actually is - and what constituted being in the matrix or out of the matrix. You would certainly call his work, work. But he is not really in The Matrix - he is a maverick fund manager. He is the liam gallagher of fund management. But a bit posher.

I am not sure you would call what i do 'work'.

And amen to that.

And I was, as usual, seeking reassurance on this tricky path i am treading. And, shaky old sage that he is, my friend summed it up nicely.

Loosely the chat ran like this:

'So, basically, you're aiming to make a lot of money out of writing a book about how to avoid the type of responsibility free, degenerate existence that you've led for the past 10 years?'

'That's pretty much it, yes.'

'You're actually going to turn getting completely lashed into a living?'

'That's it.'

'Seems like a very good idea.'

'Thanks.'

'I mean, that is certainly what you are good at.'

'Yes it is.'

'I think it'll be huge. Your resources are endless. Go for it.'

'Thank you very much for the feedback.'

'No problem whatsoever.'

So there you have it.

In a roundabout way, another affirmation that what I am doing is absolutely right.

I mean, you should listen to people who earn pots of cash and live in notting hill, shouldn't you?

Writing time: 4 hours

Manifestation: endless

Day 41 - The Retreat part 1

OK, so I took a week off.

I justified not writing my blog during this time because a) it represented an unwelcome technological intrusion on my rural organic retreat in the Pyrenees and b) because I was trying to pull back from the front and just 'be' for a while.

I wanted to chat with my subconcious about the possibilities in life.

It worked.

So many crucial breakthroughs. My inner teacher awoke and I am writing as fluidly and effectively as I ever have.

There is a tangible sense of excitement in the air.

Off we set, myself and a friend, to the Pyrenees. Not for us an intoxicated bank holiday weekend taking advantages of the late licences and weekend spectaculars of London town. We were seeking something different, and we found it. The retreat, which manifested so sychronistically for us at the beginning of last week, just happened to be a plant dieting shamanic weekend of yoga, chi jung, walking, relaxation, floral baths, herbal remedies... and something called Ayahuasca. This was to keep us occupied in the evenings as it was a booze free exercise. More on that later.

So, nestling happily in a big farmhouse in the foothills of the Pyrenees near the market town of Foix, we began our induction into the Shamanic way. The intention? To experience the benefits mother nature provides but we so often overlook.

And of ocurse to seek further reassurance from our subconcious / an external body / god that this incredibly risky life path is the correct one.

To say the results were extraordinary would be an understatement of biblical proportions.

I have returned feeling truly at one with the universe, and very much ready and able to complete the task I have set myself.

The basic content of the days included some exercise, group discussions on the rigours of modern life, hopes, fears, and our philosophies on life. As far as these went, they were rewarding and illuminating as a group of 11 very different people shared their views.

And we would diet the plants as planned over the 5 day period.

All fairly simple stuff, and over the first 24 hours, I certainly felt I entered into a dream like state - the sun on the mountains, the relaxing chats and exercise and the company were totally void of pressure and stress and hugely beneficial.

But as we headed for night2, and our first Ayahausca session, I started to wander what this particularly famous plant would do for me. I have only really experienced chemically enhanced drugs in my time, as well as cocaine, which is probably chemically enhanced by the time it reaches my grubby hands. Weed has never done much for me. I find people boring on it and it sends me to sleep.

I sought the shaman's advice, which was basically a very mystical: 'let the plant do its work'.

I decided to let it go. The shaman was clearly not keen on trying to predict the results - they were different for everyone, apparently. But he did let slip that glimpsing the future was possible...

Which, let's face it, appeals.

To cut a long story short, my peruvian shot glass of liquified Ayahausca that night has quite possibly changed the course of my life.

Via a series of very vivid and tangible visions, it connected me to 3 key things. Actually 'connected' is too weak a phrase here. It infromed me of 3 key things. I don't now believe these things, I know them.

And what is knowledge?

Power.

Here they are:

1) the universe and mother nature provides you with everything you need in life. they will be here long before you and i are gone and they will prosper.

How did i learn this? I closed my eyes and was shown round planet earth by a shaman, who had previously featured as the village elder in indiana jones and the temple of doom. Mother nature spoke to me and explained that she had already been through the ice age and all that - it was no big deal. She also told me that we had the best deal so far... and if we wanted to fuck it up, that would be out of her hands, and she would be around to witness the rebirth and we wouldn't.

2) my writing activity is the dawn of a new era for me which is going to deliver everything i want, enable me to be myself for the first time in my life and prosper beyond my wildest dream.

How did i learn this? Because the shaman showed me, in technicolour, the 20 most beautiful sunrises the earth has ever seen and told me in no uncertain tewrms that they now represented the rest of my life. from here on out. serious.

3) the human brain is truly infinite and capable of completing any task we set it.

How do i know this? Because a serpent showed me around my brain. It looked like the colloseum, with a thousand doorways leading off it. But then the serpent hissed, telling me that this was the only part of my brain i was using. i inquired what she meant by that, as this image was clearly my entire brain.

The serpent giggled patronisingly, and hissed again.

Every door out of the thousand swung open. Behind each one was another colloseum, with a thousand doors in each one, leading to another thousand doors with thousand door colloseums behind them.

And so on. And on. And on.

The concept, the idea and the definition of 'infinty' revealed, right before my eyes.

Infinite ability and capability.

Religious, in the truest sense of the word.

So. A nice introduction to a very gentle, slightly psychedelic new experience. They were visions, but not like those you get on LSD. These visions meant something -they were realisations, not just pretty pictures. Proper stuff.

Awe inspiring in fact.

But softly softly... A beautiful experience, gob smacking too, but subtle at the same time. nothing brutal about it.

You get the picture.

Waking up the next morning felt like the first day of the rest of eternity, in which i will play the central role. And I have to say it feels good that all this is happening around my 30th birthday in a few weeks.

The manifestation in my life is currently so thick you could reach out and touch it.

Read more on The Retreat tomorrow - for further education from the very center of planet earth.

Writing time: n/a

Manifestation: 100%

Day 35-40 - Jack is on vacation

Day 35 - the energies of feedback

Had two great pieces of feedback yesterday.

One to this blog (which i have been worrying is becoming increasingly directionless) and one on all my current work (from guru).

It has refuelled me both spiritually and creatively.

It also reminds me that people do, periodically, actually find this blog and enjoy reading it.

It's weird, but just one person seems... enough. Obviously I want a lot more readers, but one is enough for now.

I have reached out and touched someone.

So thanks for the feedback!

I also seem to have reached out and touched someone who has introduced me to Islamic thought and belief (check out feedback to 'digesting the red pill' from last week). Not exactly my target market but they are welcome too.

But the feedback has encouraged me to return to source and re focus on manifesting my future as a best selling author on 20somethings.

So no more opinions - manifestation only.

I re watched 'What The Bleep Do We Know' over the weekend. Such a cool movie. Once you build up a hunger for something in life and start to make it your hobby / work / life, it's incredible the speed at which your brain can build a vat of knowledge. I mean, we spend 20 years in school with stuff bouncing off our heads cause we aren't interested in it, and then, Ping!, we get on to something and in days we are an authority - if you are genuinely excited by something I mean. The human brain rocks. Ever since I was first told about The Field by Lynne McTaggart, and watched The Secret and What The Bleep, the world just seems to make so much sense...

Here it is in a nutshell: All we are is energy. We are not separate at all. The universe is made up of particles, atoms, molecules, which are all energy, flowing freely between each one of us. Our energy vibrates, and our thoughts are energetic in themselves, and they transmit light. The universe itself will deliver directly correspondent lifestyle to whatever thought vibrations we as human beings give off. Our thoughts lead our actions and the universe responds. Master your thoughts and master your life.

I am watching it work every single day.

It's not some religious 'belief'. It's actually right there in front of our eyes - proof. All you need to do is follow the instructions all around you.

You don't even need to trust it after the first few days - because once you start doing it, you know it works.

The global explosion in self help and Kaizen (constant self improvement), is totally based on thoughts and philosophies that have been proven for centuries.

Karma and Dharma. The Huna of Being. Positive Thought. Fear as a friend.

They have all been around since time began.

How To Survive Your 20's will repackage these once more, because they work.

Obviously it will be packaged in my own unique brand of massive weirdness and absurdity, and written in the language of the 20something, but I am proud to carry these messages forward to the next generation.

Feedback is so good.

Thanks to both of you.

Go forth and sprinkle altruism liberally on life.

Writing time: 6 hours

Manifestation: 100%

PS: property saga due to come to a close today. At last. More tomorrow.

Days 33&34 - parents / finding what you love

Bit of a breakthrough on the weekend regards core message of How To Survive Your Twenties.

Mission statement / directive / strapline: Find what YOU love doing and pursue it at all costs.

Why is it that your parents provide the biggest opportunities and yet the biggest obstacles in life?

It means our whole lives are spent in this endless cycle of gratitude and guilt, trying to fulfil their expectations and then apologising for simply being ourselves.

My dilemma at the moment is that I genuinely want to spend time with my parents - I am lucky enough to enjoy it - but it's difficult because they are so worried about what I am doing with my life, which ends up seeping into every conversation we have, usually resulting in an argument. Such as the one which manifested while helping my mother lift a few boxes here and there this weekend. Ironically, it all stems from the fact that 99% of parents love their kids and just want to see them do well.

And that is 'do well' as in 'do OK', not do well as in change the world (even just a little bit). In fact they want the opposite.

But the most rewarding pathways are those where you can't see the destination.

Parents simply can't fully endorse a career path they know nothing about. Especially if they suspect you know nothing about it either, as was so palpably the case when yours truly embarked on present hair brained scheme (my knowledge and power increases daily, however).
Robin Sharma, a favourite writer of mine, says everyone should try and change the world once. Great idea. How about once a week?! Maybe once a month or year is more realistic. Imagine the difference.

Another of his pearls is 'it's risky out on a limb, but that's where all the fruit is'.

Beautiful.

One of the big things I have got recently is what an acute precedent your parents set over your future... without even realising it.

It's usually a positive precedent, but a limiting one.

And I'm wagering that it's a big problem for the development of 20somethings everywhere.

Although my parents think they might have good suggestions for a potential career path, they are invariably not synchronistic with what I want from life.

The conventions of yesteryear will be different for our generation. Although I agree property ownership should be a natural 'goal' (hate that word) for a 20something, I believe finding what you love doing and pursuing it at all costs should come way ahead.

Because that way you avoid the trappings of a life you don't love.

And where does a 20something hear that from? No one. It's just convention after convention after convention. Which supposedly results in happiness - but it's an illusion. It's actually making do with unhappiness.

It is a journey the 20something must take themselves, starting within. And so many of them never actually take that journey, because they been ticking, or have ticked, their parents boxes. And they never actually find what their own boxes are, let alone tick them...

Take a moment to consider how absurd that is.

It makes life tough when you are following your own path - because all you friends / relatives are probably ticking their parents boxes and that is all your parents see.

Of course, finding what you love doing and pursuing it is one of life's scariest tasks. But man, does it feel good. Totally alive.

But imagine how frightening it is for us, the 20something, to take that route... And then amplify that fear times 10 to get to where a parent feels about it. When they can't see all the work and development and progress on a daily basis.

Because I am living life outside the comfort zone, I automatically drag my close ones outside the zone as well. But I can't let that stop me.

Because if we think our parents would be proud of us when we've ticked all their boxes, imagine how proud they will be when we tick our boxes too.

Because only then will they be looking at a complete person.

From outside the zone, salvation is within reach. If I can just remain sober long enough to grab it...

How To Survive your 20's will be infused with this mission: for 20something's to find what they love. To live happily in fear, right outside the comfort zone.

That is how my humorous, slightly cynical take on self help can genuinely be of use to 20somethings everywhere.

Real happiness lies just the other side of that one simple task.

And wealth beyond reason will follow.

Writing time: 2hours

Manifestation: 90%