I arrived early for my yoga class after a really shitty day yesterday.
My builder wants more money - which is looking pretty thin on the ground again after so many months of earning zilch.
London was hot. And this city is so not built for the heat.
I couldn't even write my blog.
Yesterday was a fight.
And as we all know... fighting / striving / struggling doesn't work.
So I arrive for late yoga feeling like I'm losing.
Asking myself questions like: 'Am I deluding myself?' and 'Should I really be showing such blind faith in this unpredictable path?'
But I realised in my yoga class what had been happening recently.
I've taken more on, both spiritually and professionally, while trying to fit in more and more of my old life. And that won't work. That's how I wound up in such a state yesterday.
I need to re-focus and re-double my efforts, but I don't have the energy. Something's gotta give.
My realisation in yoga was that the fun could only come from pursuits that feed the path, and never detracts from it - that the fun of old needs to be dropped to move forward.
I need to replace 'old fun' with 'new fun'.
I looked back in my yoga and asked myself when I was at my best this year. I've been feeling pretty good a lot of the time, but I can pinpoint the peak periods - the times when all the breakthroughs are made.
My retreat, chronicled around Day 41 in this blog, comes up as the point of greatest spiritual and personal clarity. It produced breakthroughs of epic proportions, aided by the Peruvian hallucinogenic vine, Ayahausca. The vine of souls.
So - I am entering a period of abstinence. Abstinence from 'old fun'.
And I have booked the follow up to my retreat - Peru in October.
The time between now and then will make or break everything this blog is designed to deliver.
It must be treat with the utmost care.
Time to think only good thoughts.
Writing time: 2 hours
Manifestation: 80%
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3 comments:
and whatever happened to moving to usa?? or at least visiting?
One day at a time. These days are bound to occur and they are the true test of your willingness to face down that fear that Castaneda speaks of in your previous post.
It is incredibly difficult to move forward and evolve when we try to hang onto old influences that impede the full realization of our progress.
The October retreat in Peru sounds great. It gives you a few months to make progress on those epic breakthroughs of that previous retreat.
Yes, fall back on those positive thoughts. There are plenty of them there to rely on!
Hey guys.
Kimmy kim kim... The US is going to have to wait.
But maybe not for too long.
OK, here are my exciuses, hopefully not that lame...
1. Builders are in flat and need constant supervision...
2. Need to complete course in order to manifest future...
Am slightly worried about spending a whole summer in american utopia without completing these two tasks first!
BUT - I head for Peru at the end of October, and there is a chance that I will come to San Fran for the month preceeding that, and travel from there... it all depends on how things progress finanacially and with work...
I can't jump ship just yet... But the intention and thought are both present...
And we all knows that thoughts become things.
San Fran is sooooo woven in the pattern of my destiny...
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