I think I've found the best summation yet on all this stuff:
In Carlos Castaneda's masterpiece 'The Teachings of Don Juan', Don Juan Matus says on the subject of 'progress':
'The answer is very simple. A man seeking knowledge must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule! And a moment will come when his enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task.'
It really reminded me of all those times over the years of struggle, the years of not accepting the easy route, when family members have said to me 'it must be awful, not knowing what will happen next...'
To which I always replied 'Yes, I suppose it is'.
Now, it's only recently that I have realised that it's not awful at all. It's the best feeling you can have. Because as the great Carlos Castaneda says, fear is real learning.
It also made me thing about how hard on myself I am.
When I read that quote, I actually wandered whether or not I would fit into Castaneda's definition of 'living in fear'.
But then I realised how foolish I was being. I live in perpetual fear. I am just so used to living in fear that it seems totally normal, which is where Castaneda is suggesting we all need to be if we are to make real progress. It made me think of all the times recently when friends / gurus have said to me 'you are making incredible strides of progress', and I have just stared blankly, disbelievingly back at them. Not realising the progress I was making - always looking for the 'big bang' of enlightenment, and not recognising the gradual learning I was undertaking.
When I re-read that quote, I realised I was already through the worst.
'He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop.'
Box ticked.
'The man begins to feel sure of himself.'
Done.
'His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task.'
That's where I’m at.
That quote made it clear to me that I've always been here. And that this entire process - self-help, spritiual awakening, personal development, enlightenment - call it what you want, is just a process of realisation.
Learning.
Cheers Carlos.
Writing time: 5 hours
Manifestation: 100%
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1 comment:
I wholeheartedly agree that not knowing is one of the best feelings there can be. I far prefer the uncertainty over the absolute. It is the great beauty of life. If one possesses a hopeful spirit and a humble resilience, I believe that uncertainty is quite rewarding and can be fully embraced.
For me, I've always been very accepting of uncertainty where job/career, money, and faith/religion are involved. If I don't enjoy what I'm doing in a job anymore, I head to the next thing. But I often get the same response you received from your family regarding that uncertainty. I think for me, I am too often contented by the idea itself and never fully realize said ideas. There is obviously a nagging fear behind that. That is what I'm trying to change in my life right now...setting those thoughts/ideas into motion. And yes, I too am incredibly hard on myself. It's ridiculous.
This is a great quote by Castaneda. And I think you are right...we reach a point in which we normalize those insecurites and relegate ourselves to live with them as they are, instead of standing up to them as Castaneda suggests we do. The difference is recognizing and embracing the challenge of each fear, versus accepting the misery of it and cowering to it.
I think too often we overlook our "strides of progress," in expectation/want of some kind of ends...publication/success/fame. But the journey really is the progress and it is really where fulfillment lies. Yes, you've been "here" all along and what you are experiencing truly is realization, not necessarily some huge metamorphosis. That has to be a great feeling...because behind all this strength and progress is you...definitely attributed to the evolution of late, but essentially, it is who you really are and always have been.
Cheers, MJ.
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