Day 80 - the directors cut

Been on a movie binge recently - watched Wolfgang Peterson's full length version of Das Boot last night.

Epic.

It's about young U-Boat commanders being sent to sea by Hitler before they are truly ready. I found it incredibly inspiring - considering it's set on a submarine and I am chronically claustrophobic.

At the moment, I sort of feel like I've only just taken the reigns in my life... And although this blog is now 80 days old, it still feels very much in its infancy.

Yet my re-launch is nearly at the stage we all know and love as 'manifestation'. Am I ready?

When I say 'nearly', I mean there are only a few tasks to perform before 'going public'... And these might take time. And like a director who painstakingly takes a whole day to shoot 10 seconds of usable footage, or sits at the edit suite for weeks on end to ensure the love between his lead actors is believable, these tasks must be completed correctly.

I've slipped at the final hurdle too many times to mention. I can't let it happen again.

I feel like a director who finally gets to do a personal 'cut' for his masterpiece's re-release on DVD, without the constraints of a big studio saying it's too long or too complicated for theatrical release.

I've taken control of my own movie for the first time...

And overnight success is not the goal.

I mean... I am sure I would have been fine, taking the conventional route. Indeed, if I had been lucky enough to get a good mentor here and there, I could have climbed the ladder and ended up pretty 'successful'.

Or would I?

Does a cat ever really get used to its cage at the zoo...?

The feeling I am experiencing just now is one of 'extreme vitality'.

I feel properly alive for the first time ever. And I want this feeling for everyone - but the matrix transpires against me.

Time to expose that racket.

The director's cut is underway.

Here's to a sprawling, beautifully shot epic.

A summer blockbuster with a happy ending.

Think Wolfgang Peterson's version of Das Boot - without the war, submarines, death and claustrophobia.

BTW: How did this guy go on to make 'Troy'?! Weird.

Writing time: 3 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 77, 78, 79 - yes and no

I've been assailed by all things 'yes' and 'no' in the past few days.

Actually, I've been assailed by the fact that saying 'yes' is much more powerful than saying 'no'.

In fact - saying 'no' can even be an effective way of saying 'yes'...

Confused?

My friend, who is pretty 'out there' in terms of radical opinions and beliefs, is into tantric Buddhism. Which as far as I can work out means enjoying the pleasures of life by saying 'yes' to everything, which will lead him ecstatically to whatever is woven in the pattern of his destiny. And he is happy to reach his inevitable eventualities rather more quickly and effectively than others.

On the same day there was an article in The Telegraph extolling the virtues of saying 'no'. William Ury, best selling self-help author and Harvard Anthropologist, says that we fall into the 3 A trap. Accommodate - saying yes but meaning no, often to avoid hurting people. Attack - anger taking over when we are forced to say yes or no. Avoidance - committing to neither yes or no and avoiding the subject. Ury says the type of 'no' that has become prevalent in today's society of 'positive thinking' is nearly always a hidden 'yes'

I was watching a great movie - Almost Famous - on the weekend. There's a funny scene when a daughter accuses her mum of trying to raise her, a yes person, in her mother's 'no' environment. But her mother's 'no' culture, if a little histrionic, is only designed to protect her kids - against the usual stuff like sex and drugs.

And it occurred to me that 'no' can be a positive. The reason Iraq happened, for instance, is that not enough people gave a positive 'no'... In fact it occurred to me that 'yes' people - and by that I mean 'can do' people, or people with the strength to give a positive 'no', really make all the progress in this world.

I'm saying a positive 'no' to a conventional career, so that I can say 'yes' to living a proper life which will make a difference to others.

Example: This weekend I said 'no' to a party I could have gone to, so that I could say 'yes' to a full weekend of development on the 5th Cycle.

So by saying 'no' I was actually saying 'yes', which makes me feel good.

All said and done, I seem to be behaving incredibly well recently.

I'll say yes to more of that - the manifestation continues.

Writing time: 4 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 76 - genesis of change

Things are afoot at this end.

How To Survive Your 20's will soon have a platfrom from which to grow organically. The 5th Cycle grows daily.

It's strange, but lately I've had the feeling that i've been trying to build a house without foundations... know what i mean?

And I've spent much of the last week focussing on words like integrity... credibility... authenticity...

The 5th Cycle brings all those into my life - right now I feel I have all 3 in abundance. Thus, as I have them right now, my future will be full of them.

The 5th Cycle is the foundation of my dreams - the spring from which How To Survive Your 20's can flow.

I've realised that 'life for me' is no life at all. Life for others is the most rewarding path a person can take - rewarding in every sense of the word.

Service to others. How To Survive Your 20's has to be of service to others.

Stumbled across a great quote the other day from Robin Sharma - author of The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari.

"It's risky out on a limb. But that's where all the fruit is."

You may have thought I was already out on one.

There is much, much more to come.

Writing time: 4 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 75 - all we have is right now

When I realised this as truth, one thing became abundantly clear:

The future is bright.

Day 74 - the 5th cycle - mission statement

It occurred to me on Sunday evening, in a moment of extreme clarity, that I can change the world.

And then I realised that is what I have been trying to do with this project.

I've just had a few things back to front.

Time to put that right.

The London based banker John Studzinski yesterday gave the Tate Modern it's biggest gift ever - £5million. I read up on this guy and he is genuinely involved in 'life' - the lives going on around him as well as his own. His homeless charity seems properly effective, as does his Genesis Foundation for struggling artists. It follows the Bill Gates / Warren Buffet phenomenon in the states. The American tradition of philanthropy is alive and well, and seems to have gone viral.

Hopefully London’s billionaires will follow suit and start contributing to global change as opposed to buying soccer teams.

But there's a global shift happening, right?

My friend, a bright little thing who flings sparkly bits of knowledge around like confetti, says it's all about the shift from the Piscean age to the Aquarian age. The Piscean age was one of competition, achievement and individuality. The Aquarian age will be one of group awareness, equality and care. Hence action on environment etc. Astrology rocks.

I've decided to get involved - to engage myself like Mr Studzinski (just on an acorn / oak tree level).

I think Gates / Buffet / Studzinski have all realised that money is not the motivation... They've realised the value in helping others.

And it's highlighted one of my blockages.

How To Survive Your 20's is not my financial future. It is the future for 20somethings everywhere.

That was quite a breakthrough.

But how to get to such a stage?

I need to connect properly with my reader - to really work on what 20somethings are fearful of so I can provide relevant advice. I need to channel all my energy into writing something helpful to others.

Only then will the end product have the authenticity and integrity required.

I've realised I don't really know 20somethings, I just know my friends. Great people, but only representative of a small part of society.

Rather than appear from nowhere, How To Survive Your 20's needs to grow from a seed... I can only write helpfully for 20somethings if I have already helped 20somethings.

Starting small, with maybe just 1 or 2 people in my local community, I will get to know the needs of my readers by connecting with them personally... and helping them.

I have contacts... wealthy friends... marketing expertise... and a great team of people around me... And, crucially, I've realised I care about people.

The name for this new work?

Seeing as it has been inspired by a global shift in actions, and taking my cue from my astrologically aware friend, I started to consider what might work.

Universal astrological opinion says that life moves in 7-year cycles.

The cycle we are in during our 20's? The 5th.

Mission statement:

'The 5th Cycle is a new foundation set up to facilitate growth, fulfilment and vitality among people in their 20's, providing a platform to genesise inspired thought, effective action and global transformation.'

The perfect platform from which to manifest my writing dreams.

Writing time: 7 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 71,72,73 - advanced progress

OK, been on huge mind expansion trip for 3 days.

Landmark - The Advanced Course. Quite simply the most explosive 'real' experience I have ever had.

Net result?

Watch the manifestation unravel.

But 'be the change' and all that doesn't really suffice.

Key break outs?

- Inifinite possibility

- New intellectual reserves discovered, time to apply them

- Desire dropped

- Inautheniticty dropped

- I am already transforming the world and will continue to do so

- I am already living the dream

- This process begins the moment i open my mouth or pick up my pen or start typing

- Fear and excitement are identical

- LIfe for 'me' is meaningless - life for others is key

- Reality is NOW, there is nothing else

Time to manifest my possibilities!

I need to get to know my reader - the launch of a new project will be detailed in the coming weeks.

It's not a departure - rather it will feed and fuel the manifestation of How To Survive Your 20's.

It's name?

The 5th Cycle.

Writing time: zero

Development / transformation time: 72 hours

Manifestation: 1000%

Day 70 - is nirpal reading this?

I may be suffering from acute paranoia here, which would not be surprising in the wake of Vegas, but journalist Nirpal Dhaliwal seems to be reacting to my blog in his articles in the Evening Standard.

It's happened 3 times in the last month or so - I emailed him (with a link to the blog) a while back and asked him to front up on his opinions re the drug trade following an article of his, but no response...

Then he wrote some similar things as I had about David Cameron – 2 days after I wrote them.

Then he talked about how nightmarish the London property market was after I did.

Maybe we are just both annoyed at the same things.

Anyway, yesterday he berated the culture of self-help, which he blames for his father's descent into depression. His father went bankrupt and became a self-help junkie apparently, never reclaiming his former success...

Nirpal blames self-help for giving his father false hopes and dreams.

This led me to do a bit of research on Nirpal.

His marriage has just collapsed due to his infidelities… He is now living in a small room in an apartment block in Shoreditch… His first novel, published lat year, is about a guy who relies on his wife for financial support while writing his novel and sleeping with lots of other women (which he readily admits is semi auto biographical)… His first novel has not sold particularly well… He seems to be pretty much down on his luck…

Added to this, Nirpal’s articles are diatribes on whatever is annoying him on that particular day. Real vective.

Nirpal’s life, many on the internet say, has turned into a bit of a joke. He was always wandering aloud when his marriage would end, and now it has. I think the problem is that Nirpal’s writing is so good – so readable and so achingly hip, ‘honest’ and cool, that he is trapped by what his editors want.

Inside, I reckon Nirpal is crying out… Yet still he hates self-help, which holds so many of the answers. He symbolises the youthful ‘island mentality’ which keeps people from realising their full potential. But his father and he now get on better than ever and are close.

It all makes me wonder…

What might have happened to Nirpal's father had there not been any self-help?

Writing time: 3 hours

Manifestation: 90% due to nirpal's negativity

Day 69 - heavyweights slug it out to avoid 'homespun philosophy'

There is a guy who tried to hit on a girl here in London by sending her pictures of himself dressed up as a cowboy, with his thoughts and meditations on life written below... Unimpressed, his love interest forwarded the email, which went round the world several times...

And the press are accusing the hapless young turk of 'homepsun philosophy'.

The phrase sends a shiver down my spine.

As this week is dedicated to Heroes, I’ve been reading up on Lao Tzu… He wrote the Tao Te Ching at some point between the 5th&3rd centuries… and it’s still a spiritual bestseller.

Here’s to How To Survive Your 20’s enjoying similar success over the next 2500 years or so.

You could call Lao Tzu the Original Guru. The genesis of self-help.

But – I realised the other day when I wrote that my readers will prefer the likes of Lao Tzu to the likes of Anthony Robbins that I hadn’t really ever read any Anthony Robbins… So I’ve been reading him too.

Robbins is the giant of modern self-help.

But rather than notice the similarities between Lao and Tony (my new peers), I am confused by the acute differences in their fundamental approach, and I am wandering which path How To Survive Your 20’s should take…

Who speaketh the truth?

In a nutshell:

Lao Tzu is the zen master - he invented Yin and Yang, and believes that the Tao (the intelligent timeless spirit governing the universe) will take care of everything for us, that we should flow around obstacles – and not strive or struggle - that we should wait for the right moment – 'give up and you will succeed' etc.

Anthony Robbins believes we need to exert our own authority on life – the subtitle of his book ‘Awaken The Giant Within’ is ‘how to take control of your mental, emotional, physical and financial destiny’. Robbins’ worships 10-year plans – goal setting – he believes change happens in an instant.

Which path to take as the more beneficial for my readers?

I am finding much peace and progress from stillness at the moment – meditation, yoga, writing itself. And synchronistic things are happening for me. Which would indicate Lao Tzu was my guy.

But Robbins lives in the modern world. Robbins is attuned to the fact that our world is one of competition. Sit back and someone else will seize your opportunities. You know that Robbins has done it – you know his way worked for him, and you know it happened recently.

Should I really ask a 20something to sit back and relax and wait for the universe to deliver whatever it sees fit? It’s hard to imagine Lao Tzu as anything other than a character in an Ang Lee film, probably played by Chow Yun Fat, with Gong Li / Zhang Ziyi as the love interest… Sitting in a palace of wisdom in the orient… and all going on a very, very long time ago.

But that’s what appeals to my readers...

I guess Lao Tzu was directly in tune with the universe in its purest form, whereas Robbins’ theories correspond with its current state... Which let's face it is not all that pleasant.

Is Lao out of the matrix and Tony in it?

In fact, is Tony a part of the matrix?! His book begins with him in a jet helicopter, looking down on a 10,000 seat arena full of his fans, and he sees the building he used to work in as a janitor! And he realises - this is it! He's won! Success at last.

That's not really where I'm at.

Plus Lao’s stuff is written in the language of the universe as opposed to ‘American’, which is truly the only place that Tony’s force field could have originated.

That’s what makes his stuff work so well – he dramatically improves normal lives (not to mention abnormal ones – presidents and movie stars seek out his guidance). He doesn’t want to get people out of the matrix he wants to get them to the top of it… He is working within the system.

Whereas I am trying to appeal to extraordinary young people. And Lao is just so much more... appealing. There is something of the 'head of school' about Tony.

I need to be somewhere between the two, leaning toward Lao- maybe 80% Lao and 20% Tony – leaving the matrixesque parts of Robbins behind and accelerating Tzu to the pace of modern life…

Whatever, I guess I am just petrified of being accused of ‘homespun philosophy’.

Lao Tzu to the rescue.

Writing time: 6 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 68 - let me clarify

I guess what I wanted to say in yesterday's rambling blog is that as I get older, I still have as many heroes as I ever did, but I don't actually want to be them anymore.

Because being me feels too good.

Finding what you love doing, and starting to do it, is enough - I have become who I want to be (if not quite what I want to be), thus I no longer want to be anyone else...

Not even my heroes.

And that feeling is so empowering, that I finally realise I can be a hero / guru to others.

I am that powerful (we all are - we just don't know it). And I think that realisation will have a huge effect on my writing. It feels like all the doubt has been removed, or rather, I have realised there was no reason to doubt in the first place...

Lightbulbs flashing all over the place at this end.

I think this may be my finest manifestation yet.

Writing time: 7 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 67 - MJ's legacy

We're sticking with the Hero theme.

At the request of 33% of my readership (B), I have been considering what type of hero i would like to be.

I feel no shame in writing this: I want to be a hero.

And it occurs to me that this whole blog has elements of superhero to it... Anonymous... Masked... Performing seemingly magical tasks.

But in these increasingly enlightened days I can quite stand just being me.

Actually, whom am I kidding?

I want to be something better. There I said it - kaizen and all that. Better, stronger, more influential, more confident and more interesting. Richer too.

I wanna help people - my purpose has to help others as well as myself.

My heroes are a case in point. A mixture of helpers / teachers, sports stars, anti heroes, poets, writers, puritans, degenerates and politicians.

I think one thing they all have in common are they all started out 'ordinary', if there is such a thing. In fact, having taken a 30second reflective period at the beginning of this sentence, I think by definition, in order to mean something extraordinary to me, you need to start ordinary. Take airline bosses - such a mundane type of hero when you consider the pantheon of greatness we have to choose from. But Stelios, the Greek billionaire owner of Easyjet (omnipresent budget euro carrier), will never be extraordinary because we all know his father is a shipping billionaire, which is a hell of a head start in life. But Richard Branson started out with nothing (certainly not billions anyway) - his first business was a student newspaper, his second a record shop. And now Virgin Atlantic. That is extraordinary.

Anyway, I digress.

What type of hero do i want to be?

I remember not so far back reading a long interview about Viggo Mortensen (in the dreaded Sunday times, again!), who played Aragorn (big time hero) in the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. Mortensen came across as mystical and spiritual, but the feckless hack doing the interview (and clearly having a hard time getting anything usable) covertly slagged him off throughout the article, and concluded that all Mortensen really wanted was to 'be a hero', clearly implying there was something wrong with such ambitions.

That's the problem - all my angst is summed up there. The cynics of this world - so firmly in the matrix - are programmed to ridicule aspirations toward things such as heroism. Imagine - all the readers of that article (over 4m people if you believe the figures) were left with the impression that it was 'sad' or 'uncool' to want to be a hero.

What a negative, destructive effect on the world - one sentence sending so many scurrying back to the safety of their little rock-pool lives, away from the wonders of the big blue ocean... I am the king of analogy.

Journalists!

Everyone should want to be a hero.

I guess in my youth I wanted to be a sports star. Or maybe a superhero of some description... Which is kinda what i am trying to be via this blog I think. But as I hit 30 I realise both these might suck...

Why? Because I wouldn't be being myself.

Being a sports star really does not appeal. Money good, everything else bad.

And Spiderman's difficult love life, and whether or not to be spidey or peter parker, are well publicised - I already have enough conflict in my life without having a mankind saving alter ego to slip into at night. Batman has similar problems. Bruce Wayne? Classic case of money can't buy happiness.

BUT - are there parallels with my own current existence here?

Here I am, aged 30, deciding what kind of hero i want to be.

Writing an anonymous, masked blog every day... Posing as the person I actually want to become... Maybe all I need to do is continue doing what I am doing and everything will manifest in front of me as The Secret suggests...?

Maybe I'm already there?

Then why would I hide?

I guess this blog is anonymous because I am still figuring out exactly what I am going to be, and exactly what this book is going to be. There will come a time, soon I think, where I will be happy to face cross examination on my mission and my product.

And when that time comes I guess I will have to do this blog for real - as the real me.

But the key to both these things is I already am that person - I'm just undiscovered. And as yet unfinished. A work in progress, just like my blog. And what the universe is teaching me is whatever is meant to be is meant to be... As long as I trust in my path and continue to do the necessary work, I will be discovered when the time is right. And following that, I will unveil myself to the world via a new blog (possibly my book) when I am ready to face whatever inquisition might come my way.

Rather like a superhero, my mask will come off.

And I will be that person - me - the same person I have been all along. It's just that everyone else will know about it.

Emerson said: 'We all but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents'.

Not this one.

As Martin Luther King said 'Here I stand, I can do no other.'

I know I'm doing something different - and it may be that it is my public metamorphosis into enlightenment that is what propels me into success.

So I guess it's difficutl for me to say which hero I would like to be, because I already am who I want to be.

I'm already a Hero.

It's just not quite time for anyone else to realise that.

I'm a hero in my own proverbial lunch hour - for now.

Writing time: 6 hours

Manifestation: 100%

Day 65 & 66 - neo's place in history

Prodigious writing going on at this end - all day Saturday and Sunday - it feels good.

This is a Sunday blog - a real thought drain that you may find very boring.

Heroes, popular ones, that's where my head's at.

More and more of How To Survive Your 20's centres around escaping the matrix (treadmill, system, real life), using the film's own hero Neo as an example of just what is possible once that feat has been achieved - anything.

But how many people will Neo resonate with?

Possibly just the sci fi boffins and film buffs among us... so it's time to diversify from my main hero into other mythological figures who my readers will sympathise with.

20somethings, that is.

All good heroes start at the beginning of their journey / quest / mission as relatively normal folk. Frodo Baggins a case in point. But Frodo is a bad example of a 'hero'. Short, huge ears and with little sex appeal, he ain't for my readers even though personally I consider him one of literature's pluckiest big time heroes. 20somethings don't really dig Tolkien, other than as a Christmas day family flick.

Joseph Campbell comes to mind - deceased obsessor of mythological figures and no less than George Lucas' inspiration behind the green and great Yoda. Yoda is an excellent hero - and one the 20something will strongly identify with - time to watch all 6 parts again, darn. But Campbell believed that everyone had the right to be a hero of some kind. Neo is a case in point - starting out as a lowly IT wizard, he escapes the matrix, defeats the machines and saves the human race. But he doesn't do it for the attention, he reluctantly does it because Morpheus recruits him and he has no choice.

Similarly, if you choose to identify yourself with the warrior Arjuna from the Bhagavad-Gita, it is because that particular hero has found and resonated with you as Neo has with me.

Identifying with a hero is not an inflation of our ego, but rather a realisation that we have much to learn from a particular character.

So it's time to compile a list of heroes that I can draw on to form the ancient wisdom at the core of my book.

Neo and Yoda are great starts. But Morpheus may prove a stronger option than Neo from The Matrix.

Self-help itself has some proper heroes. Lao Tzu rocked with some seriously radical thinking as far back as 5th century BC. Marcus Aurelius said 'accept only that which comes to you woven in the pattern of your destiny' in the 2nd century. Boethius realised the worthlessness of most material things in the 6th.

It is these guys as opposed to the Robin Sharma's and Anthony Robbin's of this world that my readers will dig.

But they need modern counterparts.

The footballer philosopher Eric Cantona could be one of them - but he is French and my primary market is american. They won't get it.

For the time being I am going with Yoda, Morpheus, Li Mu Bai from Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and the ancient dudes.

Hmmm. Some real people may prove useful in my search for credibility. But real heroes such as Cantona aren’t mythological... the great things about characters is that they have been created by great minds - thus they always transcend their human counterparts...

George Lucas / Campbell with Yoda. The Wachowski brothers (matrix dudes) with Morpheus and Neo. Ang Lee with Li Mu Bai (from him to gay cowboys? what next? lesbianic Martians?)

So why doesn't the modern world have top quality minds like Lao Tzu, Aurelius and Boethius?

We do. I just haven't been published yet. Actually, I am about to press 'publish', so cancel that.

Discovered is a better word. I haven't been discovered.

It is time, I feel.

My destiny awaits.

I am feeling very strong about this week.

Heroic in fact.

Writing time: Hours and hours and hours

Manifestation: 100% (I’m back.)

Day 64 - in search of new terminology

After an awesome day of writing I've hit a blank.

Given that people, especially 20somethings, are so turned off by the stigma attached to self-help, I am stuck with a conundrum.

My target audience are not committed self-helpers - quite the opposite. They are disillusioned with self-help in the extreme. As I have said before, they wouldn’t be seen dead in the 'mind, body and soul' section.

And I've been lazy in recent blogs - I keep referring to myself as a future self-help guru... And as I write How To Survive Your 20's, and the book's manifestation continues at speed, I realise that I am never really going to be that - it's just the closest thing out there.

In Vegas, one of my friends who I hadn't seen for a while was asking what I was up to. I told him about the project and he thought I was perfect to write it. But as the term 'self-help' crept into the conversation a little too often, he suddenly stopped me in mid flow, laughing his ass off.

He chortled: 'You can write this book for sure - a XXX survival manual on your 20's - but you can't be a self-help guru!'

'Why not?' I asked indignantly, but kinda already knowing the answer.

He laughed and gestured to our surroundings. We were wasted on day 2 of our bachelor party, on a rooftop bar overlooking the strip, and surrounded by whisky, vodka, champagne and girls. 'Because you haven't got there yet! You have to help yourself before you can help others. Gimme a break!'

You can always rely on your frineds for a bit of honesty.

I saw his point. How can you be a self-help guru when drugs and alcohol are in your life? But maybe you can. As long as you are improving, right? Maybe you can appeal to people who are also trying to get out of the vicious circle... The conversation continued, and we concluded that there was a new area of the self-help market to be conquered: Go for the people who don't consider themselves in need of help, but who actually need it more than anyone else.

The obvious catch being that they are the hardest to get to.

And the 20something falls very neatly into that bracket.

We concluded (as has B in her comments on this blog), that self-help needs to be re-invented for these people before it can be attractive for them...

So I need an umbrella phrase, a new terminology...

The book is full of completely new self-help directives... No chapters called 'get in the moment'... None called 'the power of being'... No 'self love above all else'.

It's a little harder hitting than that. Chapter titles include 'arresting your development', 'escaping the matrix', 'how to quit with dignity', 'drop out now', 'the time is high' and 'the art of deceleration'. Which, while drawing on the well of universal knowledge that forms all self-help, are not exactly conventional guidelines for the work / life balance generation.

How can a self-help book possibly accept drugs and alcohol? But mine has to - because all my readers indulge in them. And so do I.

So it's not self-help, as we know it.

But just what the hell is it?

Answers on a postcard.

Writing time: 6 hours

Manifestation: 99% (final residues from Vegas preventing me from full marks)

Day 62 - british press coming round?

It's taking time to get my head back on London time after Vegas. Man - that place really spun me out.

Anyway, I was thrilled to see some positivity in a British newspaper - The Sunday Times no less, serial basher of The Secret and all things positive.

Shane Watson delivers her own, acutely boring and uninspiring version of self-help. It's actually quite amusing. She clearly believes in all things 'The Secret', but clearly has no idea how to put this across in her column without breaking the current code of British cynicism.

Her pearls of happiness / wisdom include:

- Let a car out of a side road with a smile, not a flap of the hand and a 'hurry up, you loser' expression
- Talk to an old lady in the queue at the supermarket
- Smile at people
- Say hello to people you come into contact with

HOW ABOUT THAT GUYS! I give you self-help done 'British'.

Actually SAY HELLO TO PEOPLE!

I mean, if everyone followed these rules, wouldn't the world be the most fantastic place. I mean, the thought had never occurred to me to talk to an old lady - in the supermarket of all places. I must try this liberating, happiness inducing experience. Of course I am being sarcastic - like most people I have always spoken to old ladies in supermarkets, because I am not afflicted with that awful affliction 'Britishness'.

But it does re-affirm my decision to move stateside. All you American guys offering such awesome comments recently (thank you thank you) can now see what I am faced with. It's plain to see that a work such as The Secret is streets ahead of anything out there on the market, and it bugs brits to see something do so well 'over here' that is from 'over there'.

I mean, to become a self-help guru in this country, god knows where you would have to start. In fact, here are my 5 directives for a new book idea - 'Self Help for Brits':

1) Don’t kill anyone today, it feels really good
2) Try not to be unfaithful to your partner - for a whole week
3) If you don't tell anyone to f**k off for a whole day, your world will be a happier place
4) Rape - avoid it wherever possible because it is against the law
5) Remember you are British and thus more important than other species - always behave in this manner

However, I would wager that Watson's article is a result of a feature's meeting at The Sunday Times where it was fully recognised that there has not been ONE positive piece of publicity about the BEST SELLING DVD and book title of 2007.

Now how can that be?

Are all those people wrong?

Nope.

I'm so looking forward to America.

Writing time: 5 hours (first acceptable workload for a week due to Vegas and house move)

Manifestation: 95%

Day 57-61 - viva las vegas?

So I hit 30 in Vegas on Saturday in some style.

I’d read an article about Vegas headlined: ‘When a big fight comes to town, Las Vegas, with its bookies, hookers, and hustlers, is in its element.’

That has certainly been proved true – this weekend saw pretty much the biggest boxing match ever – Floyd Mayweather v Oscar de la Hoya. Black America vs Hispanic America.

And Las Vegas hit the heights, taking us along with it.

It’s actually quite difficult to describe the scale of Vegas – the limos, the hotels, the prices and the people are the biggest in the world.

And my friends and me have pretty much seen it all over the past few days. We had a local born ‘chaperone’ who helped us uncover the shadier corners and see the real Vegas – he came highly recommended and didn’t disappoint as one of the sleaziest people I’ve ever come across. But hey, he knew his way around.

But I can’t say his magical mystery tour was all that pretty.

In ‘the real Vegas’ it actually seemed difficult to meet a girl who wasn’t a hooker or a guy who didn’t play some role in the supply of drugs. They all party all day and all night. And they can all get you whatever you want. They all survive and prosper on helping visitors to Vegas get their kicks. And they all have the same hardened humour – the same air of desperation. Even though they all have cash, and a lot of it, it is cash drenched in the filth of Vegas.

It is hard to ignore the feeling that Vegas is essentially America’s last chance saloon. Its where people ‘end up’. Officially the suicide capital of America, it is a veritable drain of humanity.

And that played on my mind too much to really enjoy it - humanity shouldn't have a drain - it should have a skylight.

Which, while we had some wild times, saw some great sights and experienced some awesome nightlife, infuses the whole experience with a feeling exploitation.

You feel bad for everyone there – all the time.

But most of all, I feel bad for the people there now I am back in London.

Which is making the comedown somewhat more emotional than usual.

To think that some of the people I met there – hustlers, who were genuinely cool and fun, are still there – probably forever – is depressing. Party town it maybe. Home it should never be.

But while meeting the locals, I detected an inescapable feeling. And it was only on my way home I decided what it was - camaraderie. They stick together to survive and piece together the closest thing they can get to happiness. There’s no sense of family so they create their own.

At the end of it all – this, my last bender – I discovered one really life-affirming thing. Las Vegas has a heart.

I wish everyone their a lot of luck and a bit of love.

I hope they get out alive.

Writing time: zero

Manifestation: 0%

Day 56 - destination vegas

Apologies - my web access has seriously sucked for the past week.

Quit panicking. I have not decided that Las Vegas is the best location to become a self- help guru.

I am off to celebrate my 30th birthday, combined with a friend’s bachelor party.

As I write this on a Virgin flight full of fairly undesirable human beings, not least my own friends with whom I partied till 3am and had my first beer at 9am this morning.

Feelings of trepidation and apprehension abound.

What exactly am I doing going to Vegas for a 4 day bender when I am supposed to be manifesting my future as a best selling self-help guru? An unseemly paradox if ever there was one.

Is it even possible to have drugs and alcohol in your life (as they clearly will be over the next 4 days) while trying to do this?

So why not just give them up? That is exactly what I intend to do. But as we have seen, there is little point in attempting this in London. I am too close to my friends, too unable to say ‘no’. Hence the previously blogged move to America in June.

In fact, sitting here on this plane I have resolved to make Vegas ‘The Last Weekend’. I really have no desire anymore to go without sleep for periods of time previously used in WW2 as methods of torture. It used to appeal. Now it detracts from every part of my life. Vegas is a goodbye to a lifestyle that has halted my progression.

So Vegas is the last bender.

A fitting way to kiss goodbye to my 20’s – a decade of destruction and disobedience, degradation and defamation, drunkenness and dalliance.

Following Vegas, the final run in to spending some time in America – the land of opportunity.

But first I must deal with the job in hand.

Stewardess? Drinks please.

Let’s make it a good one.

PS: I just finished watching Scorsese’s The Departed. Great quote from Jack Nicholson to an Irish guy in a bar:

Jack: ‘How's your Daddy?’

Irish: ‘He’s dyin’ Francis.’

Jack: ‘We all are – act accordingly’.

Quite.

Writing time: 3 hours

Manifestation: 50% due to forthcoming bender

Day 55 - where to next?

Major decisions being made.

I am surrounded by negativity in England. Little Birtain focusses so completely on what can't be done it is a wonder anything was ever accomplished - anywhere. I mean - we destroyed the Spanish armada, won two world wars, had the world's biggest empire for god's sake.

But - that is all in the past. I have concluded the Little Britain today is a travesty of a nation - a collection of lilly livered politicians, unbearable chavs, hopelssly negative matrix-dwelling middle classers, non-sensical upper class egits, peppered with a new class of ridiculous billionaires taking over the capital. American billionaires are so much better than ours. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet are leading the charge to give away their billions to people who truly need it - a finer example of the global shift from individual to collective responsibility I have never seen.

So - once the flat sale goes through (i can hear you sniggering), I am going to get the hell out of here for a while. And I have now had 5 majorly synchronisitic pointers towards the Americas.

But where to land? Where to start my invasion?

New York? Too distracting.

LA? Too fake.

Miami? Too much of all the above.

San Francisco? Hmmmmm.

It's the current favourite. Huge literary scene. Successful. Healthy. Not as expensive as NYC.

BUT... late entry - Toronto.

Apparently there is big writing stuff going on up there...

But Canada?...

I am looking for a sign. It will come from stillness.

San Fancisco did.

Any suggestions?

Writing time: 4 hours

Manifestation: 90%

Days 52, 53, 54 - more secret bashing

OK, I've been off the radar for a few days, attempting to move house, write, juggle parental commitments and get love life back on track.

I have accomplished none of the above. As a man, my multi tasking skills are woeful, and I have managed to drop the whole juggling match.

Never mind - I must keep foucssed on the task in hand.

The Sunday Times is the latest 'respectable' publication to print a load of negative, cynical, stiff upper lip british tripe about The Secret.

Bizzarely dubbing it 'The Creed of Greed', a hack named Sally Brampton has torn into the film as 'kindergarten psychology', 'garbage', 'hyperbole' and sums up The Secret by saying 'You want a great life? Lie to yourself. Reinvent. Play make believe. As a summary of this book, it's perfect. In a word, delusional'.

I had a conversation with a freind of mine in the states the other day who laughed when I told him of our media's viewpoint: 'THAT SUMS YOU GUYS UP!' he howled.

That's because most people in Amercia knows that The Secret, in it's purest form, works perfectly. The whole goddamn country was built using it.

Whereas America has not a great deal of history, thus it has no real past which distorts it's present day view of events. Hence anything is possible.

But we brits have centuries of ridiculous traditions and conventions, the house of lords, the church, the monarchy, all keeping our present day views as fettered with clutter and sarcasm as they possibly could be, ending up in the kind of middle aged, middle england journalism you see above.

The bottom line is The Secret is backed up by cutting edge quantum physics and science. Problem is, cutting edge science isn't usually backed up by the scientific community at large until all doubt about a theory has gone flying out of the window. And that can take years, or never happen at all.

As someone using The Secret on a daily basis, I can also tell you in works. And that I am putting it to the test on the biggest stage imaginable - the internet.

When is someone going to sit up and take notice of someone with the balls to see if it really works? As opposed to a bunch of lemon sucking brit journo's with nothing better to do than slag off a creation they haven't tried out, that has clearly captured the attention and imagination of the whole darn world?!

Yrs, waiting to be discovered.

MJ

X

PS: America beckons - the negativity is cloying here.

Writing time: 2 hours

Manifestation: 75% due to negative crap from mediocre journalists